Developing Relationships on the Autism Spectrum 

developing loving relationships when you have autism
mom hugging son

In the United States, our culture has predetermined ideas of what love looks like between parent and child as well as between adults. As most of us have experienced, relationships can be complicated, autism or not. And developing relationships when you have autism is just as important as it is for those who don’t. Autism can cause differences in communication, understanding of context and sensory perceptions. As a result, people often believe that individuals with autism don’t understand or even require love and loving relationships. However, that is simply not the case.  

The expression of love starts at a very early age as parents and others are teaching skill sets that children will need for the rest of their lives. Here in our clinics our team witnesses the many ways kids with autism connect with their therapists and show love. And, as professionals deeply invested in the wellness of our clients and their families, many of our team members read and learn about some of the less commonly discussed aspects of life on the spectrum — and that includes love. 

In this post we share some wisdom from our President & Founder, Jamie McGillivary. She shares what love for someone with autism may look like and how to help foster the ability to develop loving relationships. 

Start with understanding and acceptance 

Because love is universal and not limited by age, we will start with a couple of concepts about love on the spectrum for parents and loved ones to consider. 

First, it’s important to recognize there is a notable difference between feeling love and behaving in a loving way. And this difference applies to everyone, not only those with autism. Jamie says that when we consider autism as a way of being, rather than a disorder, an individual’s response to love makes a lot more sense. Essentially, loving behavior can look very different from one person to the next. Just because a person isn’t comfortable with hugging or kissing, doesn’t mean they don’t feel love. 

Second, individuals don’t have to excel at recognizing the emotions of others to have emotions of their own. Jamie points out a great irony regarding this idea. “As therapists, we teach the skills of putting yourself into another’s shoes, but, as so-called neurotypical people, do we do this when interacting with people with autism?”  

This concept is called “theory of mind”. It is the ability to understand the experiences of others, even if they don’t coincide with our own. For those of us who don’t have autism, we can show the greatest amount of love simply by extending understanding and acceptance. 

Expressing and receiving love 

Parents can gain a lot of understanding about how their child with autism, as well as anyone else in their lives, shows and accepts love by reading The Five Love Languages, a book series by Gary Chapman. There is a kid’s version too. 

The 5 Love Languages

Everyone has a preference as to what feeling loved means for them. The 5 Love Languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. You can learn more about each of the five love languages through Champman’s book, as well as in our post 5 Ways to Express Love to Your Child with Autism. 

Learning how your child expresses and receives love is an important skill. Jamie provides this example, “You can learn about your child’s love languages by observing their behavior. Are they in your space, do they say ‘mom, mom, mom, mom, mom’? This gives you a clue that they need you to fill their bucket with quality time.” 

If you sense that your child is feeling less connected, it might be that you or others aren’t communicating in their preferred love language. Receiving a gift can mean very little to someone who craves praise and acknowledgment. Some kids with autism want hugs but will never give them from the front. Thay may need a hug from the back or the side for it to be acceptable to them on a sensory level. 

Additionally, a common misconception is that kids with autism don’t want to be social. In reality, they may feel disconnected because you are not communicating in a way that’s meaningful to them. 

A common scenario most parents can relate to is when a preschooler wants to play with a peer but doesn’t know how to express they want to play.  So instead, they kick over the peer’s just-completed block tower. And the reverse of this is when a child asks another to come play but is ignored by the nonverbal child. The children in both scenarios have a need and a desire to be with each other. But unfortunately aren’t able to communicate it in a way that the other understands. 

This is called “negative reciprocal actions,” and when they add up, the person trying to connect eventually gives up. Socially, this is where we see a difference. Kids with autism express their needs on their own terms.  It’s important to learn how to speak their language of love.  

Setting a relational foundation 

As parents, you are the first role models for loving relationships. If you are accepting and open to your child’s differences, it opens the door to enter your child’s world. Follow your child’s lead and be a detective in how they communicate with you. When you figure that out, you will get more back in return. 

By recognizing your child’s way of connecting with others, it goes beyond your own parent/child relationship. You are helping them express their need for love to others. This sets the stage for teaching pivotal social interactions that can help them make deep friendships and develop loving relationships. Developing a connection with your child – or grandchild, friend, relative or love interest — with autism, is possible. The key is figuring out how they express and receive love.. 

Toilet Training Tips for Kids with Autism

toilet training and autism

Toilet training is a fundamental skill to teach all kids. But it can be a tricky skill for children with autism to master. Some parents may find toilet training a smooth process, while others find it a huge battle. Many parents try to start the process and feel discouraged, then decide to take a break. Wherever you are in your child’s journey to using the toilet independently, know that success is definitely possible.

Is Your Child Ready for Toilet Training?

The first step in helping your child with autism use the toilet? Determine if they’re ready. Our Director of Clinical Standards, Dr. Jennifer Thomas, Ph.D., BCBA-D, LBA, suggests a list of pre-requisites to consider before starting the toilet training process.

Can your child…

  • sit on the toilet or potty chair for a few minutes?
  • pull pants up or down?
  • hold urine for at least 30 minutes?
  • imitate skills such as sitting and wiping?
  • find the bathroom or potty chair in the house?

Your child doesn’t need to be proficient in each of these steps all at once to start toilet training. However, keep in mind that the process will be easier and more successful if your child can complete most steps first. If your child struggles with fine motor strength and control, consider occupational therapy (OT). OT can help with skills such as pulling pants up and down, wiping, etc. Additionally, there should be minimal behaviors occurring with bathroom use. If behaviors arise often, be sure to address them prior to starting the toilet training process.

Reinforcement and Encouragement

It’s important to utilize reinforcement and encouragement when working on toilet training your child with autism. You can reinforce their success in using the toilet in a variety of ways, including:

  • Food, such as candy or a small treat
  • A sticker chart
  • A highly preferred activity such as tablet time, a game or favorite toy

Along with reinforcers, use lots of verbal encouragement. Make sure it’s specific and descriptive: “I love how you asked to go to the potty.” Or “You did an amazing job sitting on the toilet for x amount of time!” etc.

Barriers to Toilet Training

Toilet training kids with autism can definitely have its setbacks. You might encounter challenging behaviors from your child, such as fear of using the toilet, refusing to use it, misusing toilet paper or other materials, or tantrums when encouraged to use the toilet.

Some children with autism might be hesitant to use the toilet due to sensory issues. If this is the case for your child, identify the sensory issue. It could be that the toilet seat is uncomfortable, they may feel cold, or feel afraid of the loud flushing sound. Perhaps utilize a toilet seat and let your child hold a stuffed animal or toy while sitting to help them feel safe and comforted.

Another barrier to toilet training is constipation. Kids with autism can be prone to constipation due to selective eating. If you notice your child struggling to void with bowel movements, consult your pediatrician.

General Tips for Toilet Training Kids with Autism

  1. Take toilet training one step at a time! While many parents are eager for their child to gain independence in the bathroom, try not to rush through the process.
  2. Have your child use pull ups or underwear as they transition from diapers.
  3. Use visuals in the bathroom such as a step-by-step laminated sheet with photos to help your child remember the toilet use process.
  4. When starting toilet training, plan a time to be at home with your child (Ideally, a week).
  5. Take data. You could create a chart, take notes in a notebook, or find a data sheet that works for you through an online search. For each toilet session, list the date, time, accident, success, location, and any independent requests.
  6. Make the experience fun and rewarding! Ensure your child is comfortable on the toilet by having them pick out a preferred toilet seat. Keep toys and books in the bathroom and even play music. The more enjoyable the experience is for your child, the more likely they will pick up skills and move towards independence.

If your child receives ABA therapy, check in with your child’s BCBA. They can give suggestions specific to your child as well as general support throughout toilet training.

Toilet training, though necessary, is a huge task to undertake as a parent. While it can be discouraging at times, remember to celebrate the successes. And with encouragement and consistent reinforcement, your child will learn in his or her own time.

Winter Activities for Kids with Autism

boy plays outside in snow.

We can all probably agree—winter is often hard to get through. Cold, icy days nix the option for frequent outdoor play. If your child needs some cabin fever relief, we’ve compiled some DIY winter activities for kids with autism. These projects are ridiculously easy to assemble and extremely cost-effective—it really doesn’t take much for kids to have fun! Many of these activities require similar materials that you can buy in bulk and have on hand. Additionally, these winter activities for kids with autism promote sensory input, social interaction, and fine and gross motor skills.  

Indoor Winter Activities

Create fake snow

This is a sensory activity that incorporates textures. It’s great for kids who seek tactile sensory experiences. All you need is some shaving cream and baking soda for some fun with fake snow. Squirt some shaken shaving cream into a bowl or plastic bin. Add baking soda until the mixture reaches a moldable consistency. Kids will love squishing their hands in the “snow,” building mini snow people, and creating little winter wonderland worlds. 

Our expert team of Occupational Therapists (OT’s) share the importance of sensory activities like this one. “The combination of soft, squishy textures with the coarseness of the baking soda provides a variety of input to the tactile system that is both alerting and regulating,” said one of our OT’s. They also suggest having your child create the snow with you, which increases processing and executive functioning skills. “For example, have your child measure and/or pour out the ingredients with you and stir them together to combine. This is a great naturalistic opportunity to incorporate fine motor skills, tool use, and bilateral integration as your child stirs while stabilizing the bowl.” 

Materials Required:

  • Plastic bowl or bin
  • Shaving cream
  • Baking soda

Frozen treasure hunt

This winter activity only requires a little bit of prep! If your child loves “heavy work,” or activities that involve applying and/or receiving pressure, be sure to have them try this. According to our OT Team, “heavy work is organizing for the proprioceptive system, helps your child integrate new information about their body’s position in space to develop body awareness, and incorporates pressure regulation skills.” 

To create, fill a plastic tub with water and place items in it such as toys, plastic snowflakes, pinecones, or other winter-themed objects. Place the bin in the freezer overnight until it’s frozen solid. The next day, remove the ice block from the bin by running warm water over the bottom. Place the block in a larger container and have kids “dig” around for the items. Digging tools can be silverware, toy hammers, or any other child-safe item. Picking at ice keeps kids engaged and motivated to find the treasures! For safer tool options, we suggest having your child use basters or eyedroppers to dispense warm water across the ice to melt it.

Our OT’s like activities like this, as they provide excellent natural opportunities to develop fine motor skills, pincher grasp and finger strengthening as well as visual motor skills. Using motivating characters, figures or toys will be more likely to hold your child’s attention. 

Materials Required:

  • Plastic tub
  • Plastic toys, snowflakes, foam cut outs, pinecones, berries, anything winter-themed
  • Silverware, toy hammers, eyedroppers, basters

Make snow ice cream

There’s no better way to utilize fresh snow than making it into a tasty treat. Collect 8 to 12 cups of clean snow. Add vanilla extract and condensed milk and stir into snow. Add more snow if needed to reach an ice cream-like consistency. Scoop into bowls or cones and add toppings! 

Materials Required:

  • 8-12 cups clean snow
  • Vanilla extract (or other flavorings, like chocolate syrup)
  • Condensed milk
  • Toppings such as candy, sprinkles, crushed cookies, etc.

Build an Indoor Fort

Gather some comfy pillows and blankets to help your child build a relaxing space of their own. You can even create a special bin/area full of your child’s favorite comforting items for this specific purpose. Incorporate reading, pajamas, a movie or even a nap into this- everything is better in a fort! 

Sensory Winter Activities

Squish bags

Sensory squish bags are a hit for children who love squishy things. And fortunately, they’re super easy and cheap to make—a perfect winter activity idea for kids with autism. Fill a sealable plastic bag with hair gel and add snowflake glitter, beads, confetti, water beads, buttons, beans, or anything else that would entertain your child. You can also seal the edges of the bag with patterned packing tape to ensure the bag won’t open. Check out this snowman sensory bag to stick with the winter theme. 

Materials needed:

  • Sealable plastic bag, any size desired
  • Glitter, beads, confetti, water beads, buttons, beans
  • Clear hair gel
  • Food coloring (just a drop or two)
  • Patterned packing tape

Sensory bin 

Sensory bins are great for fine motor skill practice. Fill a bin with cotton balls, foam snowflakes and snow people. Give your child fine motor tools such as plastic tweezers and ball scoopers and let them practice picking up items. Or they can just use their hands!

Materials needed:

  • Plastic bin
  • Cotton balls
  • Foam snowflakes, snow people, other winter themed shapes
  • Plastic tweezers, ball scoopers, anything that promotes fine motor skills (such as this tool kit)

Sensory bottle

Many kids with autism are entertained by just watching sensory-pleasing items with color, texture, and shine. Sensory bottles are yet another winter activity for kids with autism with very simple assemblage required. Find a clear water bottle with a screw-on cap. Next, put wintery glitter and snowflake confetti in the bottle. Use a drop or two of blue food coloring if desired, fill with water, screw the cap on, and shake it up. (Sealing the cap with glue is a good idea for children who might be tempted to open it.) 

Materials needed:

  • Clear water bottle
  • Glitter, snowflake confetti, etc.
  • Food coloring
  • Glue

Outdoor Winter Activities

Snow maze

After a big snow, there’s often lots of sledding or the building of snow people. But have you ever tried making a snow maze? Create a twisty path in the snow with your feet (or use a shovel) and pack the snow down. You can make one big maze or multiple small ones to keep kids entertained and active for a while. 

Tic Tac Toe in snow

Use rocks, leaves, sticks, paint, or pinecones to create a Tic Tac Toe board in the snow. Maybe organize a family tournament!

Paint snow

In the midst of a white wonderland, color is pleasing to the eye. Have kids create their own colorful outdoor artwork by creating a frame with sticks and painting within it. Be sure to use non-toxic, water-based paint to avoid clothing stains. Using jars to hold the paint works well, as you can sturdily plant them in the snow. 

Materials needed:

  • Non-toxic, water-based paint
  • Jars
  • Sticks or rocks
  • Paintbrushes

Kindness rocks

Based off The Kindness Rocks movement, this activity is a fantastic way for kids to create messages of kindness. And with all the negativity in the world, we need all the kindness we can get. On winter days with less or no snow, have kids collect smooth rocks. Clean the rocks. On the back of the rock, write or paint #TheKindnessRocks project. Then decorate and help kids write kind messages on the front. Seal with an outdoor sealant spray to prevent fading. 

Materials needed:

Social Activities

Parallel Play

Encouraging your child to give or share a toy with a playmate can be an effective play technique, if appropriate. If this is not something easily attainable for your child, even inviting a peer over and having them sit next to your child in the same room while engaging in a separate activity can benefit your child’s social skill development.   

Games

Any type of game, whether it be a simple game of Simon Says or a board game that promotes imitation, turn-taking and cooperation can be a great way to get social with your child. Remember, it doesn’t matter so much if the game is played correctly- it’s all about participation and fun!  

Be Mindful of Screen Time

While it may be challenging to reduce your child’s electronics use, it is important to monitor and be aware of how much time they are spending “plugged in”, especially during the winter when it is easy for them (and you!) to lose track of time while being indoors. Instead, encourage other activities like reading a book or putting together a puzzle.  For more ideas on managing screen time, check out this post. 

We hope these winter activities for kids with autism provide some fun during these long cold days, while also providing sensory and fine motor input. We’d love to hear about your experiences as well. Please comment below!

Autism-Friendly Activities Around Metro Detroit 

autism-friendly activities in metro detroit

‘Tis the season, which means winter break is upon us! For many, this equates to extra down time to relax and play. But for children on the autism spectrum, this “down time” is out of their routine. A change in routine can cause anxiety or trigger behaviors. That’s why, for parents and caretakers of children with autism, it is helpful to have some autism-friendly activities in mind. Doing so helps to ensure an active and enjoyable holiday break for everyone.  

An amazing BCBA on our team, Megan Tucci, MA, BCBA, LBA, compiled a list of autism-friendly activities and events in Metro Detroit to share with her clients. And we thought it would be awesome to share it with all of you, as well!  

Sensory-Friendly Events and Activities Around Metro Detroit:

  1. AMC Sensory Friendly Film Showing : These sensory film-showings feature lowered sound and dim lighting. Patrons are able to bring their own dietary-friendly snacks and kids are free to “dance, walk, shout or sing” or move about the aisles. There are no previews or advertisements before the movies. The movies are geared toward children ages 5 & up and showings begin at 10 am on Saturdays. Wednesday evening movie showings, which may be geared toward an older audience, begin at 7 pm. The participating locations in southeast Michigan are Sterling Heights, Clinton Township, and Livonia.  If you do this, we suggest calling the location to get information about available showtimes.
  2. The Henry Ford : Many areas of The Henry Ford in Dearborn offer sensory-friendly kits that include noise-cancelling headphones, quiet spaces, and sensory-friendly maps. Staff members have also received special training from the Autism Alliance of Michigan.  
  3. Michigan Science Center : This fun and uniquely cool educational space offers “sensory backpacks”. They contain headphones, sunglasses, laminated maps, and fidget toys. The backpacks also have various sensory-friendly interactives.
  4. Detroit Zoo: At all times, the Detroit Zoo offers sensory bags equipped with noise-cancelling headphones, fidget toys, verbal cue cards and weighted lap pads to guests who are prone to feeling overwhelmed by new environments. Additionally, staff receive training through the Michigan Autism Safety Training to recognize and handle sensory needs. For children who love lights, check out Wild Lights at the Detroit Zoo this holiday season. They have dates available through early January! 

Other Autism-Friendly Events and Activities  

  1. Urban Air : This large trampoline park offers the chance for kids of all ages to jump, fly, climb, and participate in a variety of attractions and activities! 
  2. Legoland Discovery Center: This center, located inside Great Lakes Crossing Mall, contains several attractions inspired by – you guessed it – Legos! Experience a 4D Theater, have fun on rides, and of course, build some legos! 
  3. Outdoor Adventure Center: This unique interactive “outdoor” museum is indoors yet has all of the exciting features the great outdoors brings. The Center includes some awesome exhibits to enjoy. Sensory-friendly options have ended for the year, but keep your eyes peeled for the center’s 2024 schedule of specialized sensory-friendly days!  
  4. iFly Detroit: This fun, indoor skydiving experience is well suited for older, braver kids who are ready for an adventure! iFly Detroit is located in Novi and offers an “All Abilities” program specifically designed for those with physical or cognitive special needs.  
  5. MetroParks Holiday Lights/Events: It’s too late for this year but take note for next December. Each MetroPark hosts a different seasonal event. Events include Lights on the Trails, crafts, Holiday Lights at the Farm, Snacks with Santa, and much more! 

NOTE: We are not making specific recommendations for readers to participate in these autism-friendly activities. That is up to the discretion of parents in choosing activities they and their children participate in. 

AAC: What It Is and Why It’s Important for Children with Autism

There are many means of communication used in our world. The most common ones used today are spoken words, gestures, eye gaze, facial expressions, print, sign language, and even GIFs. When it comes to individuals with speech and language delays, it is possible to augment and provide alternative options for them to efficiently communicate with others. Children with autism, Down syndrome, and other speech and language struggles benefit from access to additional communication tools. In this post we will explain what AAC is and why it’s important for children with autism. 

AAC stands for Augmented Alternative Communication. What does augmentative mean, you might be wondering? Augmentative simply means to make something greater by adding to it, and alternative, as we know, is to have multiple options or possibilities available in a situation. So, when thought about it in literal terms, AAC is something every person uses to communicate. 

Types of AAC

There are two different types of AAC. The first type is what most people use in addition to or instead of verbal communication, which includes some of the examples we listed above. However, many children (and adults) with an autism diagnosis utilize aided AAC, which can be “high tech” or “low tech”. Low tech AAC can be anything that involves using pictures or icons to communicate. High tech describes communication apps on an iPad or tablet, such as TouchChat or LAMP Words for Life. Any type of computer with a voice, or even large buttons that talk, would also be considered high-tech AAC.  

Myths Surrounding AAC

When it comes to AAC, many people, including parents and professionals, are misled by the myths that have historically surrounded it. The most common myth is that AAC will hinder speech development. While this may seem easily believable, we have seen many examples in our clinic and elsewhere of children who build more speech due to having another opportunity as a bridge to spoken language.  

Another popular myth regarding AAC is that it’s not necessary so long as the child or person can communicate their basic wants and needs. At Healing Haven, we support not just the very basics of communication, but each individual’s growth and independence. This means making friends, expressing ideas, showing interest in hobbies and activities, showing love, and much more. Everyone deserves the opportunity to do these things.  

Effective Use of AAC

While AAC, whether high tech or low tech, is a bountiful means of communication, there are reasons it may not be effective, which can be discouraging to families.  

AAC is most successful when parents, caregivers, and school staff have been educated to personalize the device and present models appropriately. Presenting models “appropriately” may look different for different children based on their language level, processing time and interests. When these factors are not taken into account, ineffectiveness and inefficiency can result.  

It is important that families who are adjusting to a new form of AAC have the resources and support they need to effectively integrate the form of communication into their child’s life. At Healing Haven, this is a large part of the parent training we offer to each individual and their family. 

Teaching AAC with Spoken Word Communication

One must remember that AAC is just another avenue to communication for those with language and speech processing challenges. The autistic community themselves say they need more than one avenue to communicate. Many times, speech and language professionals teach an individual AAC and spoken word communication simultaneously. Through the therapy we provide at our clinic, the two will always go hand in hand. It is important to us that every child has more than one option in their modes of communication. 

It is important to understand your child’s style of language processing to personalize the vocabulary and provide appropriate models. Please reference the “User Tips for AAC” section below to learn more and see the link to our blog detailing Analytical Language Processing and Gestalt Language Processing. The Speech and Language Pathologists at our clinic are highly skilled in helping parents and children personalize AAC based on the child’s style of language processing. 

Setting Your Child Up for Success with their AAC Device

There are many steps you can take to ensure your child with autism has a pleasant and successful AAC experience. While some of these may be easily overlooked, they are vital in encouraging and teaching your child to communicate. Some of these steps are:  

  • Ensure the AAC device is always readily available. This includes having necessary AAC accessories such as cases with handles and straps.  
  • Learn how to edit and add new content to your child’s AAC device.  
  • Allow your child to explore the device as much as they please. Even if it seems like the child is just playing or “stimming” with the device, this interaction is still helping to familiarize the child with the AAC and its functions.  
  • Model consistently and often on the AAC device.  
  • Ensure everyone involved with helping your child communicate (family members, school staff, caregivers, etc.) knows how to effectively and comfortably model language on the device. This includes knowing and educating yourself on your child’s style of language processing. 
  • Do as much as you can to encourage your child’s use of the device. This could look like modeling on the device to talk about your child’s favorite cartoon character, food, or activity, or creating communication opportunities that are appealing to your child and their interest.  
  • Always ask your child’s SLP for help when needed. These individuals are AAC experts and should be able to help with whatever you may need to be as fluent as possible with AAC communication! At our clinic, the SLPs and BCBAS collaborate and work seamlessly to support the child’s communication. You have a team of resources. 
  • Lastly, ensure the form of AAC is consistent across all professionals and/or providers (the child’s entire team should be using the same type and same brand of high or low tech AAC). 

User Tips for AAC

When it comes to children with speech-language deficits, communication is most effective when it is used naturally. With that, we encourage you to follow your child’s lead with their communication attempts and always react with praise at any attempt they make to communicate. It is best to simply model alternative ways to communicate, as opposed to requiring a response from your child before giving them what they want.  

Many children with autism are Gestalt Language Processors (GLPs). For GLPs, there are four stages of language development. What stage your child is at determines the setup of their AAC device. If your child is at a stage 3 or higher, or once they get to that point, they are working on the freeing of single words and the combining of 2-3 words. This is where it’s important to know the difference between core vocabulary and fringe words.  

Many AAC devices have a core board, which is a page on the device, typically the main page when opening the app, that includes both “core” words and phrases and “fringe” words. The exact configuration of these words depends on the device and app being used. You can then use these words and phrases to help your child build their vocabulary and customize it to fit their wants and needs. Alternatively, if your child uses lower-tech AAC, such as Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS), you and your child’s speech team can customize the words based off of the child’s interests and needs.

AAC Resources

If your child has an assigned Speech Language Pathologist, they will be your best AAC resource. Additionally, the internet is abundant with resources that can help you navigate and utilize your child’s AAC device. Here are some of the top websites we recommend to parents of AAC users:  

And of course, learn more about AAC by connecting with our speech team at Healing Haven, operated by Gigi’s Kids Speech and Language Therapy, which the information in this post comes from.  

We hope this post has helped enrich your knowledge of AAC and answered some questions you may have had surrounding it. If your child has benefited from the use of AAC, please feel free to share in the comments. Let’s continue to make communication all-inclusive! 

6 Ways to Build a Positive Relationship With Your Child’s Teacher

positive relationship with child's teacher

As a parent of a child with autism, you want to know your child will be cared for at school. You want to send them to a quality learning environment and for their educators to know and understand your child. In order for your child to be successful, a positive relationship with your child’s teacher is a must. And establishing that relationship can also help alleviate stress on you. (This is a foundation of who we are at Healing Haven – providing strategies for parents to help manage their stress when you’re parenting a child with special needs.)

Here are some ways to foster positive teamwork between you and your child’s teacher to ensure a good school experience for your child.

1. Communicate well

This one is intentionally listed at the top- good communication is key to any healthy relationship! It is the foundation to how the school year will play out, how you will work through concerns, and greatly influences your child’s degree of success.

When communicating, especially for the first time, address your child’s teacher by their professional title and use a friendly tone. Remember to keep communication with your child’s teacher ongoing throughout the year rather than confined to only IEP meetings and parent/teacher conferences.

2. Start communication early

If you haven’t already, now is a good time to reach out to your child’s teacher. Though the beginning of the school year is typically very hectic for teachers, they highly appreciate this. Teachers often reach out first to parents, but you proactively reaching out shows the teacher you want to be on the same team. Establishing a positive relationship early can help ease solving problems later, as previously established trust provides a common foundation. Ask any and all questions you might have for your child’s teacher to solidify expectations. This keeps you in-the-know about what will happen in the classroom. And if your child has both a general education and a special education teacher, make sure to communicate with both of them.

3. Respect and trust

A trusting relationship between parent and teacher is almost guaranteed to help the teacher better understand the child. Likewise, practicing empathy strengthens relationships. Teachers, just like you in your role as a parent, are doing their best amidst many challenges. Even though it may be hard at first, err on the side of trust with the teacher. Most teachers would not be in their job if they did not want to put their students first and work for their best. Ally with your child’s teacher on the premise that you both want what is best for your child.

4. Go to the teacher first

Another way to build a positive relationship with your child’s teacher is to communicate concerns with the teacher first. It can be off-putting to the teacher when parents skip over communicating with them and go right to the principal to address issues or concerns. If no resolution is reached with the teacher, then consider bringing your concerns to administration.

5. Share about your child

You are the one who knows your child best, so communicate that with their teacher. Share helpful info that might not be included in your child’s IEP, such as likes/dislikes and strengths/weaknesses. IEP meetings often take place only once a year, so share any new info on your child with their teacher in the time between those meetings. Teachers want to know more about their students to better understand and serve them. A great habit to establish is creating an “About Me” sheet introducing your child to their new teacher at the beginning of the school year. This can be especially helpful if your child has limited verbal communication skills.

6. Show appreciation

Showing appreciation is incredibly impactful in building a positive relationship with your child’s teacher. Teachers often hear about the things they are doing wrong, which is very wearisome. Show your appreciation for your child’s teacher throughout the year in small ways, such as sending notes of encouragement and thanks. When the teacher does something you appreciate or value, tell them. Little acts of appreciation mean a lot to teachers as they manage so many pieces.  

BONUS Tip: Be a participative parent

We have added this one since we first published this post, so this is our bonus seventh tip: participate in your child’s classroom activities and events, if possible! Not only does participating give you a chance to experience your child’s classroom atmosphere, it shows the teacher that you care and want to be involved. Doing this can also be a great way of meeting other parents and building a community.

A note if your child also does ABA Therapy

Another important person to be brought into this parent/teacher relationship is your child’s BCBA. As teachers become more familiar with ABA therapy and how it benefits their students with autism, introducing them to your child’s BCBA can lead to a collaborative relationship between school and ABA.

Some of our BCBAs attend their client’s IEP meetings. They are another expert voice that can help ensure the proper supports are in place at school so your child can be as successful as possible.  BCBAs may also share with a client’s teacher strategies they use in the clinic. By bringing together all professionals working with your child, you can help create a more cohesive learning and therapy experience for your child.

All in all, cooperation between yourself and your child’s teacher not only benefits your child, but can also benefit you in reducing the potential stress of school, IEPs and supports. Remember that teachers want the best for their students and you want the best for your child. Unite on this premise and your child is likely to thrive!

Understanding Gestalt Language Processing and How it Impacts Your Child’s Communication

Mom with son, and son is feeding Mom a cookie.

As speech-language sciences progress, many are learning about how speech processes correlate with how autistic adults and children communicate with others. A term that is becoming more understood in the Speech-Language community is Gestalt Language Processing (GLP), or Natural Language Acquisition. In turn, this term has become increasingly used in the autism community. You may have heard of this intricate term, but only understand parts of it, or none of it at all. With the help of Amanda Tompkins, MS, CCC-SLP and her Speech Therapy team, we will share the basics of Gestalt Language Processing. Read along as we discuss how it relates to the work we do in helping our clients learn to communicate- whether that be through Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Therapy, Speech Therapy, or both. 

Learning to Communicate

In the world of language and speech learning, there are two main ways that individuals learn to develop language. This starts at the time they begin communicating. From a Speech Language Pathologist perspective, every individual naturally learns speech either through Analytical Language Processing, or Gestalt Language Processing. And many people learn language through a mixture of both.  

Gestalt Language Processing is common and prevalent in those with autism. This is due to how aspects of echolalia, “scripting”, memorization, and melody, in addition to other components, play into the speech learning process in autistic individuals.  

We all want to be understood- and not just understood, but ideally, well understood. That is why, especially when it comes to language and individuals with autism, it is so important to identify the way the child learns and acquires language. This helps us to effectively support growth in their communication skills in a way that resonates with them. 

What is Gestalt Language Processing?

Gestalt Language Processing is, as defined by AssistiveWare, “a form of language development that starts with whole memorized phrases to single words.” This means that the child learns the meaning of individual words through phrases, or “chunks”, that include that word, as opposed to the word itself. GLP was “named and described by linguist Ann Peters and taken up by SLP scientist Barry Prizant and colleagues,” according to The Informed SLP. It has been around since the 1970s.  

Gestalt Language Learning can be confusing and difficult to navigate due to its indirect and non-literal nature. This is especially true when it comes to those who have trouble communicating in the first place. The vocalizations and physical actions that sprout from GLP are typically not to be taken literally. But they are usually an attempt by the individual to communicate with others, whether it is easily comprehensible or not.  

For example, a child may frequently hear the phrase “2 more minutes!” when it is almost time to move onto another activity or stop their current activity. Now, anytime the child is anticipating anything, they say “2 more minutes!”. In this case, the child isn’t able to make the connection between the phrase and the context it is appropriately used in.  

Another example is that of a child who gets frequent ear infections always hearing the phrase, “does your ear hurt?”. The child soon begins to repeat the questioning phrase any time they feel physical pain in their body. This happens because that is the phrase their mind has paired with the specific sensory feeling of pain. 

How to Know if Your Child is a Gestalt Language Processor

GLPs possess distinct differences in how they communicate as compared to Analytical Language Processors. There is a chance that your child is a GLP if they:  

  • Use long scripts of language  
  • Have immediate or delayed echolalia 
  • Have unintelligible strings of language  
  • Have rich intonation 
  • Use single words 
  • Reverse pronouns 

It is important to note that your child can be a GLP even if they use partial or full sentences. We are even able to identify some GLPs that have minimal spoken language through their love and interest in repeated strings of melody and intonation. 

Discovering your child is a GLP can be an incredibly exciting and validating moment. Once you understand how your child learns language, you can begin taking steps to communicate with them in a way that’s meaningful to them. From there, you can then help them to communicate better with the environment around them. 

The 4 Stages of Gestalt Language Processing Development 

There are 4 notable stages in the development of GLP. Knowing what stage your child is demonstrating at a given time can help navigate what to focus on teaching. The first two stages in GLP development precede what is typically seen with Analytical Language Processing. The stages are:  

  1. Echolalia Full Gestalt – consists of, but is not limited to, lengthy sentences, single words, or strings of sounds and melodies that sound the same every time.  
  1. Mitigating – the combining of two gestalts (scripts). 
  1. Freeing – the breaking free of single words and/or making a new combination of words. 
  1. Combining – the use of single words to create basic 2-3 words sentences.  

Many children are GLPs and do not require support due to how quickly they move through the stages. Many children on the spectrum need support because they may be “stuck” in Stage 1. Services like ABA and Speech Therapy can help children move through these stages to better communicate their wants and needs.  

Becoming a Detective of Your Child’s Communication 

Many times, it may not be clear to others what GLPs are attempting to communicate. Many of the scripts or actions that are performed by GLPs typically are derived from a form of media that has resonated, or stuck with, the child. These phrases are specific and personal to each individual and could be scenes or phrases from people, shows, movies, online videos, commercials, etc. 

In the child’s head, these “scripts” are sometimes paired with a meaning. If the meaning is not obvious, it can be challenging to make connections about what the child is trying to communicate, if anything. This is why it’s important to pay attention and “become a detective” about where your child is obtaining each script and what the context of it is. Using this method, it becomes easier to draw possible conclusions about what is being communicated, which opens doors to how educators and parents can help make the language more functional. 

Thoughts to Consider when Communicating with Gestalt Language Processors 

With these things in mind, we have some general thoughts to consider when it comes to communicating with a GLP: 

  •  Acknowledge that the script is likely an attempt to communicate, even if you don’t know what it means.  
  • Understand that gestalts can also be non-verbal (scripts can be played out through actions and gestures). 
  • Taking a conversational turn can be useful. Nodding, smiling, and/or repeating what the child is saying shows that you are engaged and interested.
  • Think about taking notes and writing down what words and phrases the child is saying. Then, reference it later to help make connections about what the child may be trying to communicate. This will be a huge help in your “detective” work.  

When you think you have discovered what your GLP is saying, it is essential that you acknowledge the meaning you have discovered. You can then practice, with the help of your child’s therapy team, modeling developmentally appropriate language during teachable moments that may arise. 

Bridging the Gap between ABA Therapy and Gestalt Language Processing  

While ABA Therapy doesn’t focus on identifying and analyzing GLP, the two work harmoniously in many ways. ABA meets GLPs where they’re at to create learning opportunities from what resonates with the child, said Dr. Jennifer Thomas, BCBA and Director of Clinical Standards at Healing Haven.  

Thomas gives the example of scripts that are identified within a specific context, or over several contexts, being used to “signal” (referred to as “SD” in ABA) an event or change in events. “’Let’s go,’ especially if always said in the same tone of voice, can be used to signal it’s time to leave the house. The adult can use the scripts the child uses to reinforce the context it fits into and the behavior that goes with it, so it becomes more meaningful and serves to communicate more effectively.” 

Thomas noted that, aside from vocalizations, actions or gestures can also be part of a context and serve a purpose. She explained that paying attention to the pattern of occurring actions can help understand the function of a behavior. This creates an opportunity to reinforce the behavior with vocal communication. 

“BCBAs often will look to identify the function of a behavior, including scripts, to develop a plan for integrating the script into the child’s world. If the function is attention, for example, the BCBA may teach more scripts so the child can gain attention in a meaningful and consistent way,” said Thomas. 

Educational Resources on Gestalt Language Processing 

Aside from what we’ve provided above, there are many resources available to help parents, teachers, and caretakers understand Gestalt Language Processing. A few of the ones we like best are the following books:  

In addition to these, And Next Comes L has a variety of resources for parents to turn to for information about Gestalt Language and Echolalia.  

We hope this post has been helpful to anyone learning about Gestalt Language Processing. Please feel free to comment or share this post with others in your community. And reach out to us if you are looking for a speech or ABA therapy team who can support your child’s unique communication needs and development!

Strategies for Managing Challenging Behaviors for Children with Autism

“Challenging behaviors” are defined as “behaviors that can be disruptive and/or difficult to manage.” Challenging behaviors may manifest in several different forms including avoidance, aggression, self-harm, destruction, eating inedible items (otherwise known as Pica), elopement, tantrums, screaming, and more. These behaviors can happen in any setting, whether it’s in a public place or in the home. But depending on the cause (or “function”) of the behavior, there are ways to lessen the likelihood of behaviors happening. Likewise, there are ways to respond when they do occur. We have gathered strategies for managing challenging behaviors for children with autism from our Director of Clinical Standards, Dr. Jennifer Thomas, Ph.D., BCBA-D, LBA. 

Why Challenging Behaviors Happen 

While behaviors often have a driving reason for their occurrence, they can sometimes be dangerous. If your child is engaging in behaviors that put them or someone else at risk, we strongly recommend you seek professional help.  When it comes to managing challenging behaviors in children with autism, it is important to remember that behavior is communication.

There is always a reason for a child’s behavior. For example, the behavior may be the result of the child wanting to get something or to get away from something. This, in simple terms, could be a person, place, activity, or type of internal/external stimulation. Dr. Thomas says that challenging behaviors “often have more than one cause,” making it difficult to pinpoint why they occurred. A Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) has the expertise to help parents. Through careful observation and data collection, BCBAs can determine why a behavior is occurring. Based on this, they can craft an individualized plan to help teach parents how to respond in a way that will minimize behaviors and maximize success. 

How to Prevent the Likelihood of Challenging Behaviors Occurring 

While specific expertise is needed to craft a plan to decrease severe challenging behaviors, there are some tips that can help parents plan ahead to decrease the likelihood of these behaviors occurring in the first place. It is important to remember that having good communication between yourself and your child is a great starting point! While this is no easy task, there are ways you can prepare your environment(s), and your child, so that these behaviors are less likely to occur. 

“Set your child up for success,” says Dr. Thomas, by recognizing the components that are likely to cause behaviors. This can be done by being observant. Look for patterns such as similarities in context or environment that a behavior happens, similarities in reactions to certain events, and changes in setting and mood before, during, and after a behavior occurs. Physically make note of these patterns, if possible, to reference and help yourself to make mental connections. Doing so can help you identify and plan ahead to possibly prevent a behavior. This is also great information to provide to your BCBA. 

The following are some tools to help prevent challenging behaviors: 
  • Having a consistent communication method (AAC device, PECS, signs, gestures, vocal language). 
  • Carrying sensory toys or snacks with you.  
  • Having headphones or sunglasses available in public places to reduce sensory irritations. 
  • Prepare your child’s expectations before doing something difficult or novel. 
  • Bring fun activities or snacks to make undesired activities or outings a bit more fun. 
  • Make trips short, if possible. 
  • Avoid areas that you know may trigger your child, if possible. 
  • Use timers and countdowns. 
  • More ideas are available through the Autism Research Institute. 

How to Respond When Challenging Behaviors Occur 

How you respond to your child’s challenging behaviors depends on the behavior that is occurring and what the trigger is. The cause of behaviors, Dr. Thomas emphasizes, oftentimes lies at the root of a communication struggle, impulsive behaviors, or issues with emotional regulation. Dr. Thomas says it is helpful to think about what the child is trying to communicate and to be observational. This is the first step in figuring out how to respond when a behavior occurs. As every child’s situation is unique, professional expertise is necessary when formulating a specific way to respond. It is also helpful to teach your child calming strategies, in addition to focusing on some of the other areas of struggle.

Some coping strategies may include:  
  • Squeezing hands 
  • Stomping feet 
  • Counting 
  • Taking deep breaths 

Some children are easily redirected if you can draw their attention elsewhere during a behavioral episode. This may be effective in the moment but is not a long-term solution. The most important thing to remember when trying to manage a challenging behavioral scenario with your child is to “get safely through that moment and know there is another learning opportunity to come,” says Dr. Thomas. Also, remember to have compassion for your child and yourself as you’re going through this tough and often stressful situation.   

Where to Get Help with Managing Challenging Behaviors 

ABA Therapy is a very effective resource for addressing challenging behaviors. In ABA Therapy, we focus on teaching ways to communicate and behave. “Children should always have a functional way to get their needs met,” Dr. Thomas says. This is where Functional Communication Training, or FCT, comes in. Functional communication can be as small as the child pointing to something they want, as a means of asking for it, or handing over a picture icon of an item. 

“We begin by teaching a communication task that children find easy, this varies based on skill level. The idea is to give children another, more appropriate skill to use to communicate in lieu of using a challenging behavior.” If your child is already in ABA Therapy, their Board Certified Behavior Analyst, or BCBA, is a great resource.  For children enrolled in a school program, an Individualized Educational Program, or IEP, can be a great resource to reference. If your child has not had a developmental evaluation, and is exhibiting challenging behaviors, it may be time to seek out a pediatric or developmental psychologist. From there, a psychologist would be able to perform assessments that could determine if there is anything underlying the child’s behaviors. Healing Haven’s Testing & Assessments services can help with this process, as well as contacting your child’s pediatrician.  

In addition to these resources, there are several organizations that can help, such as: Autism Alliance of Michigan, Autism Support of Michigan, Michigan Alliance for Families, National Autism Association. 

Challenging Behaviors: Finding Community 

The behaviors you encounter from your children can sometimes be difficult to manage, but keep in mind that you are not alone. In addition to the professional resources we have shared, there are other parents who understand. Finding community is important in helping share ideas and reducing your own stress.   

If you’re thinking you need more help in how to manage your child’s challenging behaviors, please contact us for information about our ABA Therapy for kids with autism. And our testing and assessments services can empower you with information on how to best support your child.  

We hope that throughout this article you were able to find useful information that can be utilized going forward. Don’t hesitate to share this piece with others, as well as comment, if you found it helpful! 

The Importance of Early Intervention for Autism

child working on fine motor activity in early intervention
child working on fine motor activity in early intervention

In recent years we’ve experienced a noticeable increase in parents of younger children – 2-3 years old – contacting us for services. This means they are getting evaluations and receiving an autism diagnosis at younger ages than the national average. Data from the CDC indicates that the average age to receive an autism diagnosis is over 4 years old. Receiving an autism diagnosis before the age of 3 provides great opportunity for early intervention for autism to begin.

Early Intervention for Autism

But once parents receive that diagnosis, choosing the right treatment for their child can be as complex as the diagnosis. There are no miracle cures for the varied challenges that can come with an autism diagnosis. However, behavioral therapy, or Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy, is evidenced-based and the most frequently recommended treatment for helping a child diagnosed with autism.    

“Research very clearly states that early intervention for children with autism and other developmental disabilities is vital,” explains Jamie McGillivary, MS, LLP, BCBA, Director of Healing Haven. “When children start therapies like ABA early on, they receive strategic learning opportunities that support them in the areas they need.” 

Whether it’s communication, social and play skills, or activities for daily living (brushing teeth, eating with utensils, potty training), children who struggle with these skills can make great strides when provided early intervention support. Additionally, the likelihood of negative behaviors decreases because they learn appropriate behaviors from the beginning. 

ABA Therapy

early intervention for autism

A child’s individual early intervention plan will address their unique areas of need. For instance, if it’s developing language and communication skills, the ABA therapist will work on helping the child learn to label items and appropriately request things they want or need. And the mode of communication will vary. It may be pointing to a picture, or handing a picture of what they want (Picture Exchange Communication System). And some may use a communication device (tablet), or verbal expressions.  

In addition, if the child has negative behaviors their ABA therapy plan will address them. Some common negative behaviors include: damaging toys or property, non-functional crying and screaming, resisting transitions by falling to the ground or running away, aggression or self-injurious behaviors.

The behavior plan developed by the child’s BCBA will include strategies to address the types of behaviors listed above. They will work to pinpoint the reason for these behaviors and teach them skills or replacement behaviors to reduce them. 

“For example, some children flop to the ground when transitioning to a new activity. Their ABA Therapist may address functional ways to communicate that the child may need a break,” Jamie explains. “Or they may introduce proactive strategies to warn the child that a transition is about to occur. Giving warnings and visual information about what is to come helps decrease the anxiety surrounding transitions.”  

Generalizing New Skills

As a child makes progress on and eventually achieves their goals, we can work on scaling back one-on-one support. The ultimate goal is for the child to generalize the skills they’ve learned into their natural environments. We provide additional programs to support the child and family in this goal. 

“We place a significant emphasis on parent training and involvement,” says Jamie. “When parents participate, we increase the likelihood that what children learn in the clinic will carry over to their natural environments.”  

As a result of early intervention services, young children with autism receive a strong foundation to learn, develop and grow. It’s good to remember that autism is a spectrum and each child is unique. Some children need more support, while some need less. Some will need ongoing ABA therapy, while others will move on to their school environment with varying levels of support.  

You can learn more about all our early intervention services for autism here. And contact us to get your child started with therapy services.

If you found this information helpful, we’d love it if you’d share it with your network!

How to Explain Death to a Child with Autism

image of grave headstone, explaining death to a child with autism

Losing a loved one, whether it is expected or not, is hard for anyone to navigate. It’s a process that involves accepting reality, seeking support if necessary, and allowing yourself time to feel natural emotions. So it’s not surprising that explaining the death of a loved one to a child with autism may bring some additional challenges.   

Death is a difficult concept for any child to understand, let alone those who may have a hard time grasping abstract concepts. But death and loss are also unavoidable. That’s why we put together some tips to help your child with autism or special needs understand and deal with the process of losing a loved one.  

Be literal and thorough when explaining the loss 

When explaining the death of a loved to your child with autism, use literal terms. This may help the death make more sense to them.  Avoid using terms such as “passed away”, “gone to sleep”, or “gone to another place”. Using these terms risks your child taking them literally and becoming frustrated when their loved one doesn’t wake up or come back.  

Be direct when you are explaining the passing of a loved one to your child. The more direct you are, the easier it will be for them to understand. Allowing room for questions is key here and answering them honestly to the best of your ability should take priority.  

Keep routines as unchanged as possible 

Change in routines can be particularly challenging for individuals on the spectrum. The death of a loved one is a major life changing event. That’s why it is best to keep everything else within their routine as consistent as possible. People with autism find comfort with routine, and comfort is something we all strive for while grieving. Bedtime routines, playdates with friends, school and therapy may be part of daily routines. You should try your best to maintain these activities if they bring your child peace. 

Involve them  

When helping a child (with or without autism) through loss and grief, it may seem best to exclude them from certain parts of the process, like attending a funeral with an open casket. While it largely depends on your child’s level of cognitive understanding, as well as your expertise in making the best-informed decision for your child, many professional sources suggest that shielding a child with autism from the complexities that come with loss will likely confuse them more. These sources suggest being transparent and asking your child if they would like to be part of a certain aspect (like the funeral, wake, or burial). With this, allow them to ask any questions they might have.   

Another good option, as Alicia says in The Mom Kind, is “to have a celebration of life that they can attend instead of the funeral”. Doing this, Alicia says, “allows involvement without having to see all the grief”.  

Prepare them, if possible  

If you know that a family member or loved one is terminally ill, try and familiarize your child with all the places they will be during this time. This could be places like the hospital, funeral home, or cemetery. Remember to talk about the emotions they will see from others throughout the process. A great way to do this could be through pre-made “social stories”. Social stories use photographs to help explain and show the child what will happen before it happens in real-time. These photographs and descriptions of the photographs can include emotions that they will observe of others. More information on constructing a social story can be found here.  

As we know, children who are on the spectrum can have an especially difficult time dealing with the unexpected, so it is a good idea to make the loss as “expected” as possible. Of course, this may not always be possible and sometimes a loss can be sudden. In this case, you can still do your best to show and tell your child what to expect. Use any photos you have available or pictures online to do this. More ways to prepare your child for loss and help them understand it can be found in this article from Child Bereavement UK. 

Utilize books that help explain loss 

When it comes to bereavement and children with autism, a lot can be gained from books that are specifically made for this life event.  

The 2017 book, I Have a Question about Death: Clear Answers for All Kids, including Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder, is a straight-forward, color-filled read that addresses the questions that concrete thinkers might have surrounding death. It answers them in a simplistic manner. This book has an abundance of good reviews from parents who have had to explain this topic to their children. We recommend it as well!  

Another book that is a good choice for the topic of grief is the interactive workbook, Finding Your Own Way to Grieve by Karla Helbert. This book is unique in that it encourages expressive techniques and exercises to help your child identify and process the feelings that accompany loss. This book is perfect for children and teens to work through on their own. They can also use it with the help of a parent or professional. Find this book here. 

Lastly, How People With Autism Grieve, and How to Help: An Insider Handbook, is best suited for teens and young adults who need security and affirmation after losing a loved one. Though the book only bases suggestions off one person’s unique experience, it can prove helpful in relating to what your child might be feeling emotionally. Find out more about it here. 

Takeaway

We all have different ways of dealing with loss. It’s important to make it known to your child with autism that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to respond to the death of a loved one. The most vital thing, though, is to ensure that your child knows there is support around them and that they have people to talk about it with when they feel sad or confused.