5 Ways to Express Love to Your Child with Autism

expressing love to child with autism

This post originally appeared in the February 2020 issue of the Autism Alliance of Michigan MiNavigator Newsletter . Written by former Healing Haven BCBA Carita Niemann, M.Ed., BCBA, LBA. 

expressing love to child with autism

Valentine’s Day is a special time of the year. We often pause and express love to those who are close to us. However, communicating this love to each person in our lives takes a unique form. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages®, everyone expresses and receives love in a unique way. Children with autism are no different! 

In my 10 years of working with children with an autism diagnosis, I have loved the challenge of finding ways to “reinforcer pair” with them. This is applied behavior analytic talk for “loving them in their own unique way.” For some children it can be as simple as providing them with their favorite toy. While for others, this can entail months of chasing them with hand puppets, blasting them up like a rocket, and working up a sweat to evoke one heartful giggle.

As parents and caregivers of children with autism, when we do the work of finding ways to show love to our kids — they return the love tenfold. Just like any relationship, it is always helpful to reflect on new ways to express our affection.   

5 Ways to Express Love to Your Child with Autism

Using the wisdom of The 5 Love Languages®, here are a few ideas of how you can express love to your child with autism this Valentine’s Day:

Words of affirmation

Many children with autism are visual learners. As a result, they respond well to pictures, videos, and written words over spoken words of affirmation. Consider creating a photo book with pictures of significant memories with your child and a few words to describe each memory.

Physical touch

Children with autism seek sensory input in a myriad of ways. Some enjoy the physical touch of loved ones through hugs, tickles, cuddles, and kisses. While on the other hand, others find more enjoyment in the sensory input from the physical environment in which we live. This Valentine’s Day, if Michigan winter allows, try spending time outdoors with your child exploring the cold snow. For extra sensory input, take food coloring with you and watch a winter wonderland turn into modern art!

Quality time

Our children receive demands all day long— “get dressed,” “clean up,” “do this,” “do that,” etc. As adults, it is challenging for us to spend time with a child without placing any demands. However, with some effort, perhaps this is a true gift we can offer your child this Valentine’s Day. Intentionally plan for one hour of praise, imitation, attention, and freedom to be exactly who they are in that moment.

Receiving gifts

Although chocolate and a teddy bear may be the perfect gift for some kids, there are other options too. A beautiful gift for any child could be the gift of a new experience. Depending on your child’s interests and preferences, here are some ideas to consider. You could take them to a sensory friendly movie, bake cookies from scratch, complete a science experiment, visit an indoor trampoline park, or explore the various children’s museums in Michigan. Additionally, find a winter activity in this blog post that would feed their need for sensory or motor input. Then purchase the items and package them together for a gift this Valentine’s Day.

Acts of service

As a twist, the recommendation for this category does not directly involve expressing love to your child with autism. As parents and caregivers of children with special needs, we spend much of our time caring for others. In order to give from a fuller cup, try scheduling time for self-care this Valentine’s Day. As little as 10 minutes of meditation can lead to decreased anxiety, physical pain, and even cardiovascular disease.

Remember, “The number of ways to express love within a love language is limited only by your imagination” (Chapman). Let your creativity soar this Valentine’s Day as you express love to your child with autism – and anyone else in your life!

For additional reading on this subject, our Founder & President Jamie McGillivary, MS, LLP, BCBA, LBA, spoke about it with Metro Parent in 2022 – What Love on the Spectrum Looks Like.

Developing Relationships on the Autism Spectrum 

developing loving relationships when you have autism
mom hugging son

In the United States, our culture has predetermined ideas of what love “should” look like. As most of us have experienced, relationships can be complicated, autism or not. And developing relationships when you have autism is just as important as it is for those who don’t. Autism can cause differences in communication, understanding of context and sensory perceptions. As a result, people often believe that individuals with autism don’t understand or even require love and loving relationships. However, that is simply not the case.  

The expression of love starts at a very early age as parents and others are teaching skill sets that children will need for the rest of their lives. Here in our clinics our team witnesses the many ways kids with autism connect with their therapists and show love. And, as professionals deeply invested in the wellness of our clients and their families, many of our team members read and learn about some of the less commonly discussed aspects of life on the spectrum — and that includes love. 

In this post we share some wisdom from our President & Founder, Jamie McGillivary. She shares what love for someone with autism may look like and how to help foster the ability to develop loving relationships. 

Start with understanding and acceptance 

Because love is universal and not limited by age, we will start with a couple of concepts about love on the spectrum for parents and loved ones to consider. 

First, it’s important to recognize there is a notable difference between feeling love and behaving in a loving way. And this difference applies to everyone, not only those with autism. Jamie says that when we consider autism as a way of being, rather than a disorder, an individual’s response to love makes a lot more sense. Essentially, loving behavior can look very different from one person to the next. Just because a person isn’t comfortable with hugging or kissing, doesn’t mean they don’t feel love. 

Second, individuals don’t have to excel at recognizing the emotions of others to have emotions of their own. Jamie points out a great irony regarding this idea. “As therapists, we teach the skills of putting yourself into another’s shoes, but, as so-called neurotypical people, do we do this when interacting with people with autism?”  

This concept is called “theory of mind”. It is the ability to understand the experiences of others, even if they don’t coincide with our own. For those of us who don’t have autism, we can show the greatest amount of love simply by extending understanding and acceptance. 

Expressing and receiving love 

Parents can gain a lot of understanding about how their child with autism, as well as anyone else in their lives, shows and accepts love by reading The Five Love Languages, a book series by Gary Chapman. There is a version specifically for understanding kids, too. 

The 5 Love Languages

Everyone has a preference as to what feeling loved means for them. The 5 Love Languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. You can learn more about each of the five love languages through Chapman’s book, as well as in our post 5 Ways to Express Love to Your Child with Autism. 

Learning how your child expresses and receives love is an important skill. Jamie provides this example, “You can learn about your child’s love languages by observing their behavior. Are they in your space, do they say ‘mom, mom, mom, mom, mom’? This gives you a clue that they need you to fill their bucket with quality time.” 

If you sense that your child is feeling less connected, it might be that you or others aren’t communicating in their preferred love language. Receiving a gift can mean very little to someone who craves praise and acknowledgment. Some kids with autism want hugs but will never give them from the front. They may need a hug from the back or the side for it to be acceptable to them on a sensory level. 

Additionally, a common misconception is that kids with autism don’t want to be social. In reality, they may feel disconnected because you are not communicating in a way that’s meaningful to them. 

A common scenario most parents can relate to is when a preschooler wants to play with a peer but doesn’t know how to express they want to play.  So instead, they kick over the peer’s just-completed block tower. And the reverse of this is when a child asks another to come play but is ignored by the nonverbal child. The children in both scenarios have a need and a desire to be with each other. But unfortunately aren’t able to communicate it in a way that the other understands. 

This is called “negative reciprocal actions,” and when they add up, the person trying to connect eventually gives up. Socially, this is where we see a difference. Kids with autism express their needs on their own terms.  It’s important to learn how to speak their language of love.  

Setting a relational foundation 

As parents, you are the first role models for loving relationships. If you are accepting and open to your child’s differences, it opens the door to enter your child’s world. Follow your child’s lead and be a detective in how they communicate with you. When you figure that out, you will get more back in return. 

By recognizing your child’s way of connecting with others, it goes beyond your own parent/child relationship. You are helping them express their need for love to others. This sets the stage for teaching pivotal social interactions that can help them make deep friendships and develop loving relationships. Developing a connection with your child – or grandchild, friend, relative or love interest — with autism, is possible. The key is figuring out how they express and receive love.

Addressing Sleep Issues in Children With Autism

Trouble sleeping often plagues many of us due to factors such as stress, physical health, or irregular schedules. But for those on the autism spectrum, falling asleep and staying asleep is a very common and serious challenge. Additionally, sleep issues in children with autism can affect the whole family. It is crucial to address problems sleeping in children with autism not only for the child’s health but yours as well. Sleep is one of our basic needs and if it is not met properly, health issues and poor functioning may occur. 

Interestingly, sleep is one of the least studied aspects of autism. However, based on the evidence we do have, we know that poor sleep is  twice as common among children with autism than neurotypical children.  According to a 2019 study, toddlers with autism are highly likely to have sleep issues by age 7. Consequently, sleep issues in children with autism are linked to negative behavior and lack of social skills. Needless to say, good sleep is critical for those with ASD, as poor sleep can lead to a lower quality of life and health. 

Why sleep issues in individuals with autism?

Have you ever tried to fall asleep with a lawn mower outside your window, or with the lights on? Unless you’re a super heavy sleeper, it is difficult. For individuals with autism, even a crack of light or creak on a floor can feel like that lawn mower or a fully lit room, therefore disrupting restful sleep. Moreover, sensory processing issues often contribute to sleep issues in children with ASD. Sensitivity to light, sound or touch prohibit full sleep cycles from occurring. 

Children with autism often battle other health conditions that can affect sleep, such as: 

  • ADHD 
  • Anxiety 
  • Gastrointestinal issues 
  • Medications (stimulants can cause insomnia) 
  • Genetics that affect melatonin production 

How to improve sleep for a child with autism

So how do you improve sleep issues in children with autism? Consider trying out these five tips:

1. Sensory Input

Minimize sensory input as much as possible. Keep your child’s room dark, cool, and quiet. Take note of any potential distractors that may keep them awake, such as night lights, toys, room temperature (cool is ideal for sleep) and clutter. A white noise machine may also be helpful to block out any noises. Additionally, you should be aware of fabrics and linens used on your child’s pajamas and bed to ensure there isn’t a sensory aversion to textures present. If your child enjoys pressure to help them calm down and regulate, consider trying a weighted blanket. 

2. Limit Screens

Turn off screens an hour before bedtime, as the blue light in screens tricks the brain into thinking it is daytime and thus time to stay awake rather than sleep. 

3. Schedules

Stick to a regular schedule for falling asleep and waking up to keep the body in sync. Create a routine that starts an hour before the child needs to be in bed. Set timers as reminders for transitioning to bedtime. Practice relaxing activities such as reading together, a bath, or having a light snack. 

4. Try Supplements

According to research, taking low-dose supplements such as melatonin an hour to a half hour before bed can lower insomnia in children with ASD. Controlled-release melatonin can improve falling asleep and staying asleep throughout the night. Please be sure to consult with your child’s Doctor to get their expert input before trying out any supplements. 

5. Take Care of Yourself

As a parent, you are the one who is most likely running bedtime routines and dealing with nightly wake-ups, which is exhausting. Make sure to care for your well-being so you have energy to give during the day. However, we realize the challenge in helping your child stay in bed while you and your family are trying to rest. Try incentivizing techniques for your child staying in bed all night, such as a reward chart or using visuals of them sleeping. If they need someone in the room in order to fall asleep, try gradually moving out of the room a little more each night. Additionally, ensure they are getting enough activity and exercise to burn off energy during the day, resulting in better sleep at night for both them and you. 

These tips are by no means a miracle cure, but with practice and patience, they have potential to decrease sleep problems and improve quality of life for your child and family alike. Remember to consult your child’s pediatrician with any sleep issues your child is experiencing. They may recommend seeing a pediatric sleep specialist or participating in a sleep study to rule out other potential causes. 

Holiday Stress Management Tips for Autism Families

managing holiday stress
Holiday stress management tips

The holiday season can be full of wonderful activities, parties and family gatherings. But there is also an added level of stress during the holidays because of the extra “hustle and bustle”. Shopping, baking, decorating, wrapping and hosting – how much can we add to our plates? And when you are also parenting a child with autism or other special needs, the demands of the holidays can become overwhelming. The change in routines, unfamiliar people and places can cause stress in our kids – and us!

With input from our amazing Counseling Team, we’ve compiled ten holiday stress management tips to help you prepare for, and enjoy, this season. 

10 Holiday Stress Management Tips

1. Acceptance

Something that may seem obvious is the ability to accept your child as they are and be understanding of their needs. An acceptance mindset can be a significant driver to reducing your overall stress. Mentally prepare yourself that during this busy season your child may engage in more self-soothing behaviors to cope with the changes in their routine and added stress. They also may not want to interact with all the extra family and friends that you see this time of year. Giving your child some control and choices may help. You can offer controlled choices about the time they go and leave from gatherings, if they want to go somewhere, or where some decorations should go. 

Another aspect of acceptance is to realize that the holidays can bring a mix of joy and grief, especially for parents navigating changes in traditions, expectations, and family dynamics. It’s important to give yourself grace to feel how you feel, whether it’s sadness, frustration, or nostalgia.

2. Flexibility

It’s important to look at your own expectations around the holidays and try to be more flexible.  Realize that it’s OK that your child may not feel the same way about the holidays as other kids. Your child may not like the traditional holiday activities, so stop and ask yourself the motivation behind doing something (like taking a picture with Santa). If the motivation is that it’s a “childhood tradition”, it’s not worth having your child stress out, panic or go into a full meltdown getting near Santa. Try to develop a flexible mindset. If you have to make a last-minute change because your child becomes over stimulated, that’s not only supporting your child and their needs, but also a self-care practice for you! 

It’s important to acknowledge that adjusting holiday traditions to accommodate evolving circumstances, such as the unique needs of children, shifting family roles, or personal limits, can be emotionally taxing. Recognize that grief over what was—or what you hoped for—is valid and a natural part of the process. Allow yourself to embrace flexibility and find meaning in new traditions while honoring the emotional space needed to process these changes.

3. Set Boundaries

You know your child and how and where they are at their best. If your entire family is gathering at Grandma’s house, there are ways you can still participate. Plan to stay for an hour so that you leave before your child reaches their sensory maximum. You could also plan to arrive at gatherings early in order to allow your child to slowly acclimate to the number of people showing up in real-time, which could help make them feel less overwhelmed

It may be helpful to communicate ahead of time the boundaries you are setting with your family members to avoid any misunderstanding. Here is a great resource to share with family or friends who are hosting holiday gatherings. And thanking them for understanding the choices you need to make will help them to feel appreciated for being flexible. 

4. Say No

With so many invitations, activities and options presented to us during the holidays, we can end up finding ourselves in situations that may take away from the enjoyment. Furthermore, saying yes to an event when you actually want to say no can lead to feeling overwhelmed and also experiencing resentment. If you know your child will not do well at someone’s house, you can kindly decline an invitation. Remember, all you need to say is “I am sorry, we cannot make it – thank you for the invitation.” You do not need to give a reason or explain why you cannot make it to the event. It can be hard to say no, but if it will reduce the stress in your life, you need to do it for your own sanity. 

5. Pace It Out

Decorating your home for Christmas can be fun for some, but sensory overload for others. If you gradually get your decorations out, your child can acclimate to the new lights, smells and sounds slowly. Progressively introducing new decor into the living areas of the house allows your child to gradually adapt to the environment. Otherwise, you risk overloading them with the changes all at one time. 

It may also be useful to take time to familiarize your child with the destination or venue of any gathering as well as the guests that will be attending. This can be done through photos or preparing a photo album they can hold and refer to during the event, as well as reviewing it beforehand. This can help reduce the chance of surprises and help them feel comfortable in knowing the environment and people they will see.   

6. Find Balance

An important holiday stress management tip is to work in some quiet, soothing activities with your kids to help them balance all the additional sensory input that comes during this time of year. And those quiet moments can benefit you, too. Furthermore, find balance in the ability to indulge in the yummy treats of the season without feeling guilty. It is common for healthy eating habits to take a backseat this time of year. But if you can balance out the sweets indulgence by increasing your water intake each day, you may feel more positive about enjoying the holiday treats. 

It’s also important to make sure to prioritize and set some time aside for self-care activities that help you relax, have fun, or feel energized. These activities could include talking with a friend, going for a walk, reading, listening to music, watching a holiday movie, or whatever else you enjoy. The important part of self-care is not so much what you do – it’s that you make time do it.   

7. Keep Structure

You and your child have schedules – daily, nightly, weekly routines. Keep as many things consistent as possible. For example, if you have self-care activities such as attending a workout class or getting your nails done, keep that commitment even during the busyness of the holidays. If your child has a nightly routine of taking a bath before bed, leave the holiday event with enough time to allow your kiddo to complete their routine. Keeping your typical agendas will set you and your family up for success during this hectic time. And if a change in your child’s routine is unavoidable, creating a holiday visual schedule can help them prepare and process what is coming. Here’s another great resource for holiday social stories and visual schedules. 

8. Avoid Perfectionism

So many caregivers are perfectionists by nature and the holidays can intensify the desire for things to be “just right.” Though this may be difficult, try and focus on the big picture of the holiday season by avoiding getting caught up in the little details. Give yourself permission to be less than perfect, write it down or say it out loud – “things do not need to be perfect this holiday season!” Letting go of perfection and focusing on connection, even in small ways, can help create moments of peace and joy during a challenging time.

9. Consider Dietary Restrictions

As you likely already know, autistic individuals are more likely than others to have dietary restrictions. This is something to be aware and mindful of, as well as make known to others so that your child isn’t excluded from participating in holiday meals and treats. Even if there are no dietary restrictions, having preferred food items around for your child can be an effective tool in helping them remain calm and comfortable in stressful situations. With this said, also be mindful of extreme amounts of sugar available and accessible, as this could also heighten stress and anxiety during the holidays.  

10. Sleep!

This is a small one and may seem somewhat cliché, but getting enough sleep is so important for stress management – especially around the holidays. With all the things we have to get done during this time of year, sleep often gets neglected. But we also know that lack of sleep makes most people more vulnerable to irritability, mood changes, forgetfulness, and much more. Protect your time to sleep by prioritizing what needs to get done today verses what can wait until tomorrow so that you aren’t sacrificing sleep for your “to-do list”. Do your best to ensure that your child gets enough sleep, as well, as this can make a huge difference in their energy and behavior.  

Some of these holiday stress management tips may seem easier said than done. But we hope that you find at least a few of them helpful and easy to incorporate into your holiday season. Even if it’s just hearing that you CAN say no and set boundaries… doing so just may lead to a less stressful and more enjoyable season! 

And if you find your stress level increasing into the new year, our Counseling program helps parents of kids with autism, as well as children and teens on the spectrum. Contact us for more info. 

If you found these holiday stress management tips helpful, please share this post with others! 

Thankfulness and the Benefits of Gratitude

thankfulness and the benefits of gratitude

As we move into this season that places emphasis on gratitude and thankfulness, it can feel increasingly difficult to identify what we are grateful for given the ways of the world. Within the past few years, especially, it has been a time of increased stress, financial strain and even significant loss for many. We recognize that. But now more than ever it is important to stop to consider what you have to be grateful for. Whether it’s your health, your friends and family, career, your home, or something else, we hope you can identify at least one thing. So even with all the uncertainty in our world, we want to share this important information on the benefits of gratitude. 

The Benefits of Gratitude

The effects of practicing gratitude have been studied for roughly 15 years. As detailed below, practicing gratitude can directly impact our stress levels. One of our core beliefs here at Healing Haven is the importance of stress management for parents and caregivers, as well as for our staff. Whether you write thank you notes, keep a gratitude journal, or give a verbal expression of thankfulness to someone, you will experience many benefits both physically and mentally. And the practice of gratitude can have long-term benefits throughout the year. 

Sleep Better

Many research studies show that having an attitude of gratitude helps individuals have a better quality of sleep. People experience falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer. So, if quality sleep is a struggle, try writing down specific things you are grateful for. Taking a few minutes to do this before bed can have a positive impact on your sleep. 

Reduce Stress

Research reveals that people who practice gratitude are better able to manage the stressors that come in life. It could be that getting more sleep helps you handle stress better. Or it could be the dopamine that is released in your brain when you express thankfulness. 

In our line of work with individuals with autism and their families, we know how hard it can seem to be thankful due to the many areas of life that are made more challenging with an autism diagnosis. However, if you’re able to recognize and be thankful for the little things, you’ll experience the impact of a grateful mindset. 

Ease Depression 

There are specific gratitude exercises that can help ease depression. Experiments asking people to take part in an exercise to list three good moments or things at the end of each day reveal improvements in depression and overall happiness. Gratitude can reduce numerous toxic emotions like envy, resentment, regret, frustration and more, leading to an improved outlook on life. 

Healthier Body 

Researchers asked people how likely they were to participate in healthy behaviors like going to the doctor, exercise and healthy eating. They also asked them to rate their levels of gratitude. As reported in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, researchers found correlations between healthy behaviors and gratitude, suggesting that expressing thanks has a connection with people taking care of their bodies.  

Additionally, self-esteem studies reveal that gratitude can strengthen self-esteem by reducing social comparisons. A contributing factor in low self-esteem is being resentful toward others who have more money or better jobs. Those who practice gratitude regularly can more easily appreciate other people’s accomplishments, while simultaneously having security in their own self-worth, as opposed to those who don’t practice gratitude. 

There are so many benefits to having a grateful way of life that we can’t possibly list them here. This article on HelpGuide.org does a great job of listing and explaining the many benefits of gratitude, and this article from Purdue University has several great resources to reference, as well!

Incorporating Gratitude Into Your Life

Are you realizing you need to practice more gratitude in your life? If you’re looking for easy ways to get started, we’ve got you covered with these tips:

  1. Start and end your day with it. Say out loud one thing you’re grateful for in the morning and one thing right before you go to sleep.
  2. Write it down. Keep a gratitude journal – note one or more things you’re grateful for on a daily basis and write down your positive thoughts throughout the day.
  3. Switch it up. If you become aware of the negative of something or someone, switch it in your brain to a positive.
  4. Share it with others. Give at least one compliment or “thank you” daily. This can either be directly to someone or simply about your surroundings (ex.: “I love how quiet the office is today.”) And if you thank a coworker for a job well done, it may spread to others to recognize great work.
  5. Spare us the drama. Commit to not complaining, criticizing or gossiping for one week. This exercise may help you to realize how much energy you were spending on negative thoughts.

We hope these ideas help spark more gratitude in your life. But if you find yourself still struggling, please reach out for help! The numbers of people experiencing anxiety, depression, and stress is on a constant increase due to what’s happening in our world. Don’t go through this alone. We always have qualified counselors on staff that may be able to help you. Alternatively, consider reaching out to a friend for support. Remember – it’s okay to ask for help! 

The Benefits of Organized Space For Individuals With Autism

Have you ever tried working in a cluttered area? Or been distracted by noises or lighting while trying to focus? Most of us would not feel very successful if we were attempting to be productive in such an environment. For individuals with autism, distracting, messy work and play spaces can only magnify the struggle of focus when gaining new skills. Whether it’s your home or your child’s play area, keeping an organized space for individuals with autism reaps many benefits.

Why Organized Spaces for Individuals with Autism

A clean environment is an important element to the success of individuals with autism. In fact, it influenced the design of our clinics.  Our President & Founder Jamie McGillivary, MS, LLP, BCBA, LBA, intentionally chose the colors of the walls, the use of natural light and artificial natural light, simple layout and organized spaces. And these principles can carry over into the home environment too.

Less Distraction

Many individuals on the autism spectrum experience excessive sensory input. Consequently, distraction is common. Too much unnecessary clutter and detail can derail a child’s focus. Even minor messes that may be easy for a neurotypical child to ignore could cause attention issues for those on the spectrum. Minimizing unhelpful sensory experiences aids in a child with autism’s ability to focus.

Specifically, consider visual and auditory senses when designing a distraction-free space:

Visual

Keep walls simple in decoration to prevent overwhelm. Many kids with ASD notice minute details in the area around them. Tucking away supplies and toys in bins or cabinets out of sight reduces temptation to interact with them while also reducing distractions. For colors, utilize solid, soft tones such as green, blue and pink and avoid yellow as it can be overstimulating.

Auditory

Sensitivity to noise is a common symptom for kids with ASD. While neurotypical children may function easily with sounds considered background noise, those sounds may be incredibly distracting for children on the spectrum. Keep your child’s space as free as possible from traffic noises, humming machines, loud ticking clocks, and other potential “noise clutter.”

Enhances Organizational Skills

Organizational tasks that we deem simple may require more effort and practice for individuals with autism. A clean work environment promotes organization and productivity, which in turn helps a child acquire new skills. Designating organized areas helps individuals with autism predict what will take place in their workspace. Labeling areas such as drawers and cupboards can help kids practice putting their supplies and toys away when finished. This also helps reduce long-term clutter and ensures smoother transitions to new activities. Color coding is another fantastic way to make organizing easier for kids on the spectrum, as different colors represent different purposes for an area.

Reinforces Routine and Expectations

Organization helps an individual’s success and independence in following instructions. If a space is cluttered and messy, they will likely get more confused when trying to learn skills and complete routine tasks. According to research, organized and structured learning spaces aid kids in staying on-task and performing well academically. Structure helps you as a parent as well, as it can reduce the need for your assistance.

Tips for Your Home

If you believe your child could benefit from some decluttering and organization at home, here are a few ideas to get started. And remember, you don’t have to try all of these things at once!

  • Organize toys, art supplies, school materials, etc. into labeled areas and bins
  • Paint your child’s room a new, calming color
  • Tackle one room at a time and identify items you can remove or put away for a simplified and, hopefully, less stressful setting.

These ideas may not only benefit you, but your whole family may begin to feel some stress lift as a result of creating organized spaces for your child with autism.

And if you found this post helpful, please feel free to share it with others!

Halloween and Autism: 6 Tips to Prepare Your Child

Halloween is usually a favorite holiday for kids – candy, costumes, parties at school – what’s not to love? But for a child with autism, Halloween holds the potential for anxiety and irritation – itchy costumes, anyone? Everything is “out of the norm” and most kids with autism thrive on routine. Our team here at Healing Haven incorporates the holiday into our therapy to help our kids learn to enjoy Halloween. So we’ve compiled some tips for families navigating Halloween and autism, to help you and your child  have a wonderful, and not frightful, holiday!

Make the Unknown Known

Talk to your child about Halloween for a few weeks ahead of time so when the day comes it’s not a surprise. Show pictures of kids in costumes, download social stories about Halloween, play videos of children trick-or-treating, etc. If you create a social story and have pictures of your kid(s) from past years, that can help to remind them of what this holiday is about.

Practice Wearing Costumes

By having a “dress rehearsal” you can help your child adjust to the uniqueness of wearing a costume. Costumes can make you hot, be itchy, or feel tight. If their costume has a mask, it may make it hard for them to see and hear, make them sweat or cause their head to itch. Costume practice is an element we incorporate into our therapy. We ask parents to send in their child’s costume a week ahead of time so we can work with them to tolerate it. For children with severe sensory issues, maybe make something homemade out of their clothes. For example, a black cat using black leggings with a tail attached to the back, and a black long sleeve t-shirt is super easy. But in the end, it’s also OK if your child just refuses to wear a costume at all. Get them a Halloween t-shirt and call it good!

Do a Neighborhood Walk Through

You know the houses who have the large inflatable Frankenstein, or have skeletons hanging all over their porch. A walk through your neighborhood at night – or the area you plan to trick-or-treat – can be helpful to check out the decorations. Doing this helps you plan for any houses you might want to avoid if your child may find it scary. And if you’re walking in your neighborhood, ask your neighbors if they are planning to dress up and scare trick-or-treaters. You may want to avoid their house too!

Practice Trick-or-Treating

Teaching your child with autism about the rules of trick-or-treating is an important part of Halloween prep. By going through the steps of how trick-or-treating works, you will help them feel more comfortable and confident.  When you think about it, this is a strange tradition we have of knocking on someone’s door and getting candy. And some kids who are obsessed with rules may find it difficult to accept this deviation in the rule of never taking candy from strangers. If they struggle with this, you may need to focus your Halloween adventures to just the houses you know.

Be specific when you practice the steps: knock on the door, say “trick-or-treat”, say “thank you”. Also, train them to not go inside the house, but go to the next house. And if your child uses an AAC device, make sure these phrases are loaded and they know where to find them. And if you want to reduce the number of things they have to carry, there is a great resource for AAC users through Teachers Pay Teachers. They are offering free, downloadable and printable AAC trick-or-treat communication bracelets!

Practicing trick-or-treating is another element we incorporate into our ABA therapy – providing a practice session of trick-or-treating before the real event. We host a family and staff trunk-or-treat so our clients have the opportunity to practice. It is a highlight every year for the families we serve and the staff!

Pair Up With a Friend

Trying to remember all the rules and customs of Halloween can be overwhelming. If your child has neurotypical friends or family members, make plans to trick-or-treat together. This provides them an example to follow. And it helps to have another set of eyes on your child with autism in the busyness, and darkness, of Halloween. Speaking of the dark, having a glow necklace or light up tennis shoes can help you identify your child more quickly.

What To Do With All That Candy?

Creating a plan for handling the trick-or-treat haul they bring home is wise. And if your child has allergies or a restricted diet, it’s absolutely necessary. You need to know how to manage the inevitable treats that will come home. If you haven’t already heard of the Teal Pumpkin Project, it’s a great way to support those with food allergies. The project focuses on providing alternate types of non-candy treats. Also, talking about the issues with Halloween candy and allergies can help prepare your child for some items not being safe for them. If your family participates in the Teal Pumpkin project, you will have some safe non-food treats that you can swap out for the ones they can’t eat.

Even if your house has no allergies, it’s good to talk about what they can do with the candy after trick-or-treating is over. Can he eat 5 pieces or 2 pieces when he gets home? How many pieces of candy can she eat per day? Talk about these “rules” ahead of time.

Be Flexible

In the end, it’s important to remember that Halloween is supposed to be fun. So if your child is overwhelmed by all the elements of trick-or-treating, don’t force them to go. They could help pass out candy, or invite a few friends over who may feel the same way. Also look for alternate Halloween activities like the Detroit Zoo’s “Zoo Boo” and Hallowe’en at Greenfield Village.

We hope these tips are helpful and reduce some of the anxiety either you, or your child, may be feeling about Halloween!

Preparing For Your Child’s IEP

There are a ton of resources out there if you do a Google search for “IEP tools” or “preparing for an IEP”. It can be overwhelming. We want to provide some information to help you sift through all the content so that you can walk into your child’s next IEP more confident than you did the last one.

One thing is for sure: when you have a child with autism, ADHD, Down syndrome, dyslexia, or any other condition that impacts their learning, becoming an expert in the IEP (Individualized Education Plan) process is necessary for parents. Read on for some tips and resources to help you in preparing for your child’s IEP.

Remember the law is on your side

First, there is the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act establishing the framework for what students with disabilities are entitled to in school – a Free and Appropriate Public Education (FAPE), in the Least Restrictive Environment (LRE).

And more recently there is the Endrew F. Decision in which the Supreme Court ruled in March 2017 that Individual Education Programs must give kids with disabilities more than a de minimis, or minimal, educational benefit. The Supreme Court ruled on the meaning of a free appropriate public education (FAPE). The case involved a boy with autism and ADHD, who made almost no progress on his IEP goals because his behavioral and academic needs weren’t addressed. Understood.org created this helpful resource as a result of this decision.

You are your child’s best advocate

Even with the law being on your side, the reality is, not all school districts are created equal. Whether it’s in the arts programming they provide or the special education services they offer, philosophies and services can vary widely from district to district and state to state. Know your rights as an equal member of the IEP team and be ready to step out of your comfort zone to advocate for what your child needs.

Walk in with the mindset that this is your child’s meeting, not a district meeting or a special education department meeting. Remember, you are the expert on your child. Come to the meeting with your own data – video of your child doing things, copies of their “’work”. They may not demonstrate their full potential during a standardized assessment, so compiling your own data can reinforce what you are advocating for!

Don’t forget the Parent Concerns Letter

Most IEP forms have a very small box for “Parent Concerns”. Know that you are not limited to how many words can fit in that box. You can draft an entire letter outlining your child’s needs and the concerns you have for their progress and learning. Here’s a great resource from A Day In Our Shoes specifically about the Parent Concerns Letter. Communicate your vision for your child and don’t allow anyone to change YOUR vision.

Framing the conversation

It’s important to tailor the conversation when it comes to preparing your child’s IEP. It is difficult to hear how your child stacks up to their typical peers. That’s the reality of the standardized assessments and evaluations presented by the IEP team. You know your child struggles with communication, fine motor, reading, math, or whatever it is. But to have that data in black and white can be quite sobering. Help set the tone by flipping weakness statements into strengths and needs statements. As this Brooke’s Publishing blog post states, by changing “can’t do” statements into “the student needs…” you will end up with an effective IEP that not only establishes high expectations, but meets your child’s needs.

What if you don’t agree with the IEP and/or others on IEP team

It’s okay to not finish within the first meeting. You can reconvene for a second (or third, or fourth) IEP meeting if necessary. And consulting with a special education advocate can be very helpful if your emotions are running high and you’re not feeling heard by the district. An advocate can help you with talking points, legality issues, and even attend the IEP with you to assist with communication between you and the school district representatives. Additionally, a free local resource for parents is Michigan Alliance for Families.

Additional Resources

There really is a TON of information out there to help you with your child’s IEP. Instead of making this post any longer, here are a few additional resources for you to check out:

We hope these tips and resources for preparing for your child’s IEP prove to be helpful for you. Godspeed!

6 Ways to Calm a Child With Autism

child with autism calming strategies
calming strategies for child with autism

Raising a child with autism brings surprises and challenges. One possible difficulty parents might face is managing overstimulation and meltdowns.

While every child has rough moments, for a child on the spectrum meltdowns are different. They often happen when the child is overstimulated and cannot communicate why they are upset. A valuable way to cope when meltdowns occur is to learn ways to calm a child with autism.

In this post we provide ways to look out for possible overstimulation, strategies to help calm your child in the moment and ways to head them off before they happen. Through detailed preparation, you and your child will feel more equipped to handle big emotions the next time they experience distress.

Warning Signs

Meltdowns may occur out of the blue or perhaps they come after a specific trigger. This can be very stressful for not only the child but parents and other family members as well. However, certain displays of behavior can cue parents to when their child might be on the verge of a meltdown. Some of these behaviors may include:

  • Increased stimming- agitated hand flapping, body rocking, pacing, hands over ears
  • Loud vocalizing
  • Crying
  • Eloping – running away from a situation
  • Self-injurious behavior (SIB)- banging head, picking at skin, hitting or biting self

Perhaps it is a certain location, a noise, or denied access to something that set off your child. Keeping a log of triggers can help prepare you for future incidents and allows you to be proactive in recognizing and coping with meltdowns. And in the meantime, try some of the following six ways to calm a child with autism when they are in distress.

Addressing Sensory Needs

Children with autism often have many more sensory needs than an average neurotypical person. Deep pressure stimulation such as gentle head or shoulder squeezes can help kids feel secure and move their nervous system into the parasympathetic nervous system, also called “rest and digest.” When we are in the parasympathetic nervous system, our bodies feel safe and secure which in turn calms our minds.

Additionally, learn what objects or toys are soothing to your child and have them on hand. Keep a bag of sensory objects with your child that they can utilize when they are feeling overwhelmed. Fidget spinners, blankets, squishy toys, or chew toys can bring comfort to an overstimulated nervous system.

A sensory friendly “calm down corner” can also help quell meltdowns. At home, designate a safe area for your child that includes soft lighting, calming music or white noise, and comfortable items such as bean bags or pillows. If your child attends school, coordinate with teachers to create a calm down corner in the classroom. If you’re in public during an episode, remove your child from the triggering environment as soon as you can and take them to a neutral location.

The Power of Music

Music can be very therapeutic to individuals with autism. Music increases brain activity which in turn helps regulate emotions. Additionally, singing a favorite song of your child’s may help them relax, as familiarity can be grounding. Try softly singing or playing soothing quiet tunes on headphones to help your child self-regulate.

Deep Breathing

Breathing is very powerful in calming the mind and body and can assist in regulating emotions for a child with autism. Sit face-to-face with your child and have them breathe deeply with you. Counting inhales and exhales as they breathe is a helpful technique. The exhale places the body back into the parasympathetic nervous system so make sure your child is releasing all the air. Breathing together will also help you feel more calm during a meltdown.

Exercise

Moving and fresh air help all of us feel better and is another great strategy to calm a child with autism. Walk with your child around the block, visit a nearby park, or put on a kids yoga video to help them center.

Stick to Schedules

Sometimes unpredictability triggers a meltdown. Pre-planned agendas can provide comfort to children with autism so they know what’s coming next, reducing anxiety. You can even create visual schedules for your child to reference throughout the day, which can help them stay on task. There will obviously be times when the schedule needs to change last minute, but try to give your child as much notice as possible.

Avoid Reinforcing Behavior

It’s natural to become worked up and overwhelmed watching your child experience such high levels of distress. But it’s important to avoid displaying strong emotions in front of your child in the heat of the moment in order to avoid reinforcing their behaviors. Remain as calm as you can and focus on deescalating your child through whichever method they respond best to. But be sure to make space to process your own emotions after the episode so you can regulate as well.

We hope these six ways to calm a child with autism will help you and your child the next time a meltdown arises. Know that you are not alone and that it is ok to feel overwhelmed. Our parent training resources include strategies in addressing specific meltdown situations. For more info, visit our ABA Parent Training page.

Autism Acceptance and Finding Community

autism acceptance and finding community
parents meeting for coffee

April is here again, which means it is time to celebrate and honor Autism Acceptance Month. Previously called Autism Awareness Month, the recognized period was started in 1972 by the Autism Society as National Autistic Children’s Week. It evolved from that into an entire month of recognition. In 2021, it was renamed from Autism Awareness Month to Autism Acceptance Month.  

The Difference Between Awareness and Acceptance 

The evolution of this nationally celebrated month’s name is due to the need to move beyond “awareness”. Today, many people are already “aware” of autism, and have been for some time. This elevated awareness has led to an increase in autism diagnoses since the disorder’s discovery. Currently, autism is prevalent in 1 in 36 children aged 8 years old, according to the CDC. With that said, being aware of autism is vastly different than accepting individuals with autism. This month, we emphasize the ability to accept individuals with autism. One way this can be done is through meaningful action with a focus on parents of individuals with autism.  

Taking Action by Finding Community

Something that many people do not consider when they think of a child receiving an autism diagnosis is the toll it can have on the child’s parents and family. The impact of an autism diagnosis is that it can feel isolating. And that feeling of “being alone” can make it challenging for parents to find the support and community they need. In addition, support is not always readily available. That is why for this Autism Acceptance Month, we want to focus on the importance of finding community for people with autism and their families.  

How Support Groups Can Help

Support groups are wonderful because they can serve multiple different purposes at once. But helping people connect with others who share similar experiences is what makes them essential for families impacted by autism. Support groups provide an abundance of resources. They also are filled with people who can relate to what you may be feeling. The people in these groups can help give advice for managing the unique ups and downs that come with raising a child on the spectrum. You, in turn, can help others who may have questions. Support groups also provide a wonderful place to share accomplishments along with challenges and create friendships for both you and your child.  

Where to Find Support

In Michigan:  

Michigan Alliance for Families has many resources for families impacted by autism. Parents can search for local events, get information on ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) services, educational services, and other supports. Their Navigators are available by phone to help families find autism assistance throughout Michigan.  

If your child is receiving therapy services, other parents are a great place to start to find those who are understanding of your situation. Ask your child’s BCBA or Therapist if there are some parents you can connect with. Or, stop and strike up a conversation with another parent when you are at the clinic. You never know what kind of friendship may develop! 

In All States and Online: 

Parents Helping Parents offers an online support group that meets once a month to discuss autism resources and stories. As the website explains, this can be a terrific way to connect and learn from parents who may share a similar story to your own. In addition to parents, anyone who works with children on the spectrum is encouraged to check it out.  

Healthline has an abundance of autism resources, ranging from general information to education and government benefit resources. They also specify resources for specific age groups and list multiple support groups and organizations for autistic individuals and their allies.  

Facebook is a place where you can find a group page for about anything. And that does not exclude support groups for parents of autistic children! This can be a wonderful place to meet other parents and discuss ideas, struggles, and accomplishments. Facebook groups are a place you can learn more about the autism community. Healing Haven even has their own private group specially created for parents of clients only. 

The Benefits of Autism Acceptance

An important thing to remember is that an autism diagnosis does not define a child or their family. Additionally, those with autism should never be underestimated. No one knows what the future holds.  

The more parents find a community and the support they need, the more likely they are to accept their new circumstances, which helps communicate autism acceptance to our broader communities. Through acceptance of our personal situations and finding others who understand, we can reduce our stress levels and bring richness to our lives. Additionally, it is important to note that acceptance applies to everyone. Parents who accept their child’s diagnosis can be fully present to support them. In addition, all of us learning to accept our neighbor, nephew, child’s classmate, who has autism, will set an example to others. And simultaneously, we will help create a community for that family to feel included. Through acceptance we help spread empathy and kindness of others’ differences. By living out acceptance we can make an impact far beyond the autism community. 

We hope you have found these resources to be helpful and we encourage you to share any information discovered here with your friends and family. Please feel free to leave a comment if this impacted you in a significant way. Happy Autism Acceptance Month!