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Continue readingDeveloping School and Community Skills for Children with Autism
6 Ways to Build a Positive Relationship With Your Child’s Teacher
As a parent of a child with autism, you want to know your child will be cared for at school. You want to send them to a quality learning environment and for their educators to know and understand your child. In order for your child to be successful, a positive relationship with your child’s teacher is a must. And establishing that relationship can also help alleviate stress on you. (This is a foundation of who we are at Healing Haven – providing strategies for parents to help manage their stress when you’re parenting a child with special needs.)
Here are some ways to foster positive teamwork between you and your child’s teacher to ensure a good school experience for your child.
1. Communicate well
This one is intentionally listed at the top- good communication is key to any healthy relationship! It is the foundation to how the school year will play out, how you will work through concerns, and greatly influences your child’s degree of success.
When communicating, especially for the first time, address your child’s teacher by their professional title and use a friendly tone. Remember to keep communication with your child’s teacher ongoing throughout the year rather than confined to only IEP meetings and parent/teacher conferences.
2. Start communication early
If you haven’t already, now is a good time to reach out to your child’s teacher. Though the beginning of the school year is typically very hectic for teachers, they highly appreciate this. Teachers often reach out first to parents, but you proactively reaching out shows the teacher you want to be on the same team. Establishing a positive relationship early can help ease solving problems later, as previously established trust provides a common foundation. Ask any and all questions you might have for your child’s teacher to solidify expectations. This keeps you in-the-know about what will happen in the classroom. And if your child has both a general education and a special education teacher, make sure to communicate with both of them.
3. Respect and trust
A trusting relationship between parent and teacher is almost guaranteed to help the teacher better understand the child. Likewise, practicing empathy strengthens relationships. Teachers, just like you in your role as a parent, are doing their best amidst many challenges. Even though it may be hard at first, err on the side of trust with the teacher. Most teachers would not be in their job if they did not want to put their students first and work for their best. Ally with your child’s teacher on the premise that you both want what is best for your child.
4. Go to the teacher first
Another way to build a positive relationship with your child’s teacher is to communicate concerns with the teacher first. It can be off-putting to the teacher when parents skip over communicating with them and go right to the principal to address issues or concerns. If no resolution is reached with the teacher, then consider bringing your concerns to administration.
5. Share about your child
6. Show appreciation
Showing appreciation is incredibly impactful in building a positive relationship with your child’s teacher. Teachers often hear about the things they are doing wrong, which is very wearisome. Show your appreciation for your child’s teacher throughout the year in small ways, such as sending notes of encouragement and thanks. When the teacher does something you appreciate or value, tell them. Little acts of appreciation mean a lot to teachers as they manage so many pieces.
BONUS Tip: Be a participative parent
We have added this one since we first published this post, so this is our bonus seventh tip: participate in your child’s classroom activities and events, if possible! Not only does participating give you a chance to experience your child’s classroom atmosphere, it shows the teacher that you care and want to be involved. Doing this can also be a great way of meeting other parents and building a community.
A note if your child also does ABA Therapy
Another important person to be brought into this parent/teacher relationship is your child’s BCBA. As teachers become more familiar with ABA therapy and how it benefits their students with autism, introducing them to your child’s BCBA can lead to a collaborative relationship between school and ABA.
Some of our BCBAs attend their client’s IEP meetings. They are another expert voice that can help ensure the proper supports are in place at school so your child can be as successful as possible. BCBAs may also share with a client’s teacher strategies they use in the clinic. By bringing together all professionals working with your child, you can help create a more cohesive learning and therapy experience for your child.
All in all, cooperation between yourself and your child’s teacher not only benefits your child, but can also benefit you in reducing the potential stress of school, IEPs and supports. Remember that teachers want the best for their students and you want the best for your child. Unite on this premise and your child is likely to thrive!
Understanding Gestalt Language Processing and How it Impacts Your Child’s Communication
As speech-language sciences progress, many are learning about how speech processes correlate with how autistic adults and children communicate with others. A term that is becoming more understood in the Speech-Language community is Gestalt Language Processing (GLP), or Natural Language Acquisition. In turn, this term has become increasingly used in the autism community. You may have heard of this intricate term, but only understand parts of it, or none of it at all. With the help of Amanda Tompkins, MS, CCC-SLP and her Speech Therapy team, we will share the basics of Gestalt Language Processing. Read along as we discuss how it relates to the work we do in helping our clients learn to communicate- whether that be through Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) Therapy, Speech Therapy, or both.
Learning to Communicate
In the world of language and speech learning, there are two main ways that individuals learn to develop language. This starts at the time they begin communicating. From a Speech Language Pathologist perspective, every individual naturally learns speech either through Analytical Language Processing, or Gestalt Language Processing. And many people learn language through a mixture of both.
Gestalt Language Processing is common and prevalent in those with autism. This is due to how aspects of echolalia, “scripting”, memorization, and melody, in addition to other components, play into the speech learning process in autistic individuals.
We all want to be understood- and not just understood, but ideally, well understood. That is why, especially when it comes to language and individuals with autism, it is so important to identify the way the child learns and acquires language. This helps us to effectively support growth in their communication skills in a way that resonates with them.
What is Gestalt Language Processing?
Gestalt Language Processing is, as defined by AssistiveWare, “a form of language development that starts with whole memorized phrases to single words.” This means that the child learns the meaning of individual words through phrases, or “chunks”, that include that word, as opposed to the word itself. GLP was “named and described by linguist Ann Peters and taken up by SLP scientist Barry Prizant and colleagues,” according to The Informed SLP. It has been around since the 1970s.
Gestalt Language Learning can be confusing and difficult to navigate due to its indirect and non-literal nature. This is especially true when it comes to those who have trouble communicating in the first place. The vocalizations and physical actions that sprout from GLP are typically not to be taken literally. But they are usually an attempt by the individual to communicate with others, whether it is easily comprehensible or not.
For example, a child may frequently hear the phrase “2 more minutes!” when it is almost time to move onto another activity or stop their current activity. Now, anytime the child is anticipating anything, they say “2 more minutes!”. In this case, the child isn’t able to make the connection between the phrase and the context it is appropriately used in.
Another example is that of a child who gets frequent ear infections always hearing the phrase, “does your ear hurt?”. The child soon begins to repeat the questioning phrase any time they feel physical pain in their body. This happens because that is the phrase their mind has paired with the specific sensory feeling of pain.
How to Know if Your Child is a Gestalt Language Processor
GLPs possess distinct differences in how they communicate as compared to Analytical Language Processors. There is a chance that your child is a GLP if they:
- Use long scripts of language
- Have immediate or delayed echolalia
- Have unintelligible strings of language
- Have rich intonation
- Use single words
- Reverse pronouns
It is important to note that your child can be a GLP even if they use partial or full sentences. We are even able to identify some GLPs that have minimal spoken language through their love and interest in repeated strings of melody and intonation.
Discovering your child is a GLP can be an incredibly exciting and validating moment. Once you understand how your child learns language, you can begin taking steps to communicate with them in a way that’s meaningful to them. From there, you can then help them to communicate better with the environment around them.
The 4 Stages of Gestalt Language Processing Development
There are 4 notable stages in the development of GLP. Knowing what stage your child is demonstrating at a given time can help navigate what to focus on teaching. The first two stages in GLP development precede what is typically seen with Analytical Language Processing. The stages are:
- Echolalia Full Gestalt – consists of, but is not limited to, lengthy sentences, single words, or strings of sounds and melodies that sound the same every time.
- Mitigating – the combining of two gestalts (scripts).
- Freeing – the breaking free of single words and/or making a new combination of words.
- Combining – the use of single words to create basic 2-3 words sentences.
Many children are GLPs and do not require support due to how quickly they move through the stages. Many children on the spectrum need support because they may be “stuck” in Stage 1. Services like ABA and Speech Therapy can help children move through these stages to better communicate their wants and needs.
Becoming a Detective of Your Child’s Communication
Many times, it may not be clear to others what GLPs are attempting to communicate. Many of the scripts or actions that are performed by GLPs typically are derived from a form of media that has resonated, or stuck with, the child. These phrases are specific and personal to each individual and could be scenes or phrases from people, shows, movies, online videos, commercials, etc.
In the child’s head, these “scripts” are sometimes paired with a meaning. If the meaning is not obvious, it can be challenging to make connections about what the child is trying to communicate, if anything. This is why it’s important to pay attention and “become a detective” about where your child is obtaining each script and what the context of it is. Using this method, it becomes easier to draw possible conclusions about what is being communicated, which opens doors to how educators and parents can help make the language more functional.
Thoughts to Consider when Communicating with Gestalt Language Processors
With these things in mind, we have some general thoughts to consider when it comes to communicating with a GLP:
- Acknowledge that the script is likely an attempt to communicate, even if you don’t know what it means.
- Understand that gestalts can also be non-verbal (scripts can be played out through actions and gestures).
- Taking a conversational turn can be useful. Nodding, smiling, and/or repeating what the child is saying shows that you are engaged and interested.
- Think about taking notes and writing down what words and phrases the child is saying. Then, reference it later to help make connections about what the child may be trying to communicate. This will be a huge help in your “detective” work.
When you think you have discovered what your GLP is saying, it is essential that you acknowledge the meaning you have discovered. You can then practice, with the help of your child’s therapy team, modeling developmentally appropriate language during teachable moments that may arise.
Bridging the Gap between ABA Therapy and Gestalt Language Processing
While ABA Therapy doesn’t focus on identifying and analyzing GLP, the two work harmoniously in many ways. ABA meets GLPs where they’re at to create learning opportunities from what resonates with the child, said Dr. Jennifer Thomas, BCBA and Director of Clinical Standards at Healing Haven.
Thomas gives the example of scripts that are identified within a specific context, or over several contexts, being used to “signal” (referred to as “SD” in ABA) an event or change in events. “’Let’s go,’ especially if always said in the same tone of voice, can be used to signal it’s time to leave the house. The adult can use the scripts the child uses to reinforce the context it fits into and the behavior that goes with it, so it becomes more meaningful and serves to communicate more effectively.”
Thomas noted that, aside from vocalizations, actions or gestures can also be part of a context and serve a purpose. She explained that paying attention to the pattern of occurring actions can help understand the function of a behavior. This creates an opportunity to reinforce the behavior with vocal communication.
“BCBAs often will look to identify the function of a behavior, including scripts, to develop a plan for integrating the script into the child’s world. If the function is attention, for example, the BCBA may teach more scripts so the child can gain attention in a meaningful and consistent way,” said Thomas.
Educational Resources on Gestalt Language Processing
Aside from what we’ve provided above, there are many resources available to help parents, teachers, and caretakers understand Gestalt Language Processing. A few of the ones we like best are the following books:
- Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism by Barry M. Prizant, PhD
- Natural Language Acquisition on the Autism Spectrum by Marge Blanc, M.A., CCC-SLP
- Gestalt Language Processing Handbook by Kathryn Arnold
In addition to these, And Next Comes L has a variety of resources for parents to turn to for information about Gestalt Language and Echolalia.
We hope this post has been helpful to anyone learning about Gestalt Language Processing. Please feel free to comment or share this post with others in your community. And reach out to us if you are looking for a speech or ABA therapy team who can support your child’s unique communication needs and development!
Strategies for Managing Challenging Behaviors for Children with Autism
“Challenging behaviors” are defined as “behaviors that can be disruptive and/or difficult to manage.” Challenging behaviors may manifest in several different forms including avoidance, aggression, self-harm, destruction, eating inedible items (otherwise known as Pica), elopement, tantrums, screaming, and more. These behaviors can happen in any setting, whether it’s in a public place or in the home. But depending on the cause (or “function”) of the behavior, there are ways to lessen the likelihood of behaviors happening. Likewise, there are ways to respond when they do occur. We have gathered strategies for managing challenging behaviors for children with autism from our Director of Clinical Standards, Dr. Jennifer Thomas, Ph.D., BCBA-D, LBA.
Why Challenging Behaviors Happen
While behaviors often have a driving reason for their occurrence, they can sometimes be dangerous. If your child is engaging in behaviors that put them or someone else at risk, we strongly recommend you seek professional help. When it comes to managing challenging behaviors in children with autism, it is important to remember that behavior is communication.
There is always a reason for a child’s behavior. For example, the behavior may be the result of the child wanting to get something or to get away from something. This, in simple terms, could be a person, place, activity, or type of internal/external stimulation. Dr. Thomas says that challenging behaviors “often have more than one cause,” making it difficult to pinpoint why they occurred. A Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) has the expertise to help parents. Through careful observation and data collection, BCBAs can determine why a behavior is occurring. Based on this, they can craft an individualized plan to help teach parents how to respond in a way that will minimize behaviors and maximize success.
How to Prevent the Likelihood of Challenging Behaviors Occurring
While specific expertise is needed to craft a plan to decrease severe challenging behaviors, there are some tips that can help parents plan ahead to decrease the likelihood of these behaviors occurring in the first place. It is important to remember that having good communication between yourself and your child is a great starting point! While this is no easy task, there are ways you can prepare your environment(s), and your child, so that these behaviors are less likely to occur.
“Set your child up for success,” says Dr. Thomas, by recognizing the components that are likely to cause behaviors. This can be done by being observant. Look for patterns such as similarities in context or environment that a behavior happens, similarities in reactions to certain events, and changes in setting and mood before, during, and after a behavior occurs. Physically make note of these patterns, if possible, to reference and help yourself to make mental connections. Doing so can help you identify and plan ahead to possibly prevent a behavior. This is also great information to provide to your BCBA.
The following are some tools to help prevent challenging behaviors:
- Having a consistent communication method (AAC device, PECS, signs, gestures, vocal language).
- Carrying sensory toys or snacks with you.
- Having headphones or sunglasses available in public places to reduce sensory irritations.
- Prepare your child’s expectations before doing something difficult or novel.
- Bring fun activities or snacks to make undesired activities or outings a bit more fun.
- Make trips short, if possible.
- Avoid areas that you know may trigger your child, if possible.
- Use timers and countdowns.
- More ideas are available through the Autism Research Institute.
How to Respond When Challenging Behaviors Occur
How you respond to your child’s challenging behaviors depends on the behavior that is occurring and what the trigger is. The cause of behaviors, Dr. Thomas emphasizes, oftentimes lies at the root of a communication struggle, impulsive behaviors, or issues with emotional regulation. Dr. Thomas says it is helpful to think about what the child is trying to communicate and to be observational. This is the first step in figuring out how to respond when a behavior occurs. As every child’s situation is unique, professional expertise is necessary when formulating a specific way to respond. It is also helpful to teach your child calming strategies, in addition to focusing on some of the other areas of struggle.
Some coping strategies may include:
- Squeezing hands
- Stomping feet
- Counting
- Taking deep breaths
Some children are easily redirected if you can draw their attention elsewhere during a behavioral episode. This may be effective in the moment but is not a long-term solution. The most important thing to remember when trying to manage a challenging behavioral scenario with your child is to “get safely through that moment and know there is another learning opportunity to come,” says Dr. Thomas. Also, remember to have compassion for your child and yourself as you’re going through this tough and often stressful situation.
Where to Get Help with Managing Challenging Behaviors
ABA Therapy is a very effective resource for addressing challenging behaviors. In ABA Therapy, we focus on teaching ways to communicate and behave. “Children should always have a functional way to get their needs met,” Dr. Thomas says. This is where Functional Communication Training, or FCT, comes in. Functional communication can be as small as the child pointing to something they want, as a means of asking for it, or handing over a picture icon of an item.
“We begin by teaching a communication task that children find easy, this varies based on skill level. The idea is to give children another, more appropriate skill to use to communicate in lieu of using a challenging behavior.” If your child is already in ABA Therapy, their Board Certified Behavior Analyst, or BCBA, is a great resource. For children enrolled in a school program, an Individualized Educational Program, or IEP, can be a great resource to reference. If your child has not had a developmental evaluation, and is exhibiting challenging behaviors, it may be time to seek out a pediatric or developmental psychologist. From there, a psychologist would be able to perform assessments that could determine if there is anything underlying the child’s behaviors. Healing Haven’s Testing & Assessments services can help with this process, as well as contacting your child’s pediatrician.
In addition to these resources, there are several organizations that can help, such as: Autism Alliance of Michigan, Autism Support of Michigan, Michigan Alliance for Families, National Autism Association.
Challenging Behaviors: Finding Community
The behaviors you encounter from your children can sometimes be difficult to manage, but keep in mind that you are not alone. In addition to the professional resources we have shared, there are other parents who understand. Finding community is important in helping share ideas and reducing your own stress.
If you’re thinking you need more help in how to manage your child’s challenging behaviors, please contact us for information about our ABA Therapy for kids with autism. And our testing and assessments services can empower you with information on how to best support your child.
We hope that throughout this article you were able to find useful information that can be utilized going forward. Don’t hesitate to share this piece with others, as well as comment, if you found it helpful!
How to Explain Death to a Child with Autism
Losing a loved one, whether it is expected or not, is hard for anyone to navigate. It’s a process that involves accepting reality, seeking support if necessary, and allowing yourself time to feel natural emotions. So it’s not surprising that explaining the death of a loved one to a child with autism may bring some additional challenges.
Death is a difficult concept for any child to understand, let alone those who may have a hard time grasping abstract concepts. But death and loss are also unavoidable. That’s why we put together some tips to help your child with autism or special needs understand and deal with the process of losing a loved one.
Be literal and thorough when explaining the loss
When explaining the death of a loved to your child with autism, use literal terms. This may help the death make more sense to them. Avoid using terms such as “passed away”, “gone to sleep”, or “gone to another place”. Using these terms risks your child taking them literally and becoming frustrated when their loved one doesn’t wake up or come back.
Be direct when you are explaining the passing of a loved one to your child. The more direct you are, the easier it will be for them to understand. Allowing room for questions is key here and answering them honestly to the best of your ability should take priority.
Keep routines as unchanged as possible
Change in routines can be particularly challenging for individuals on the spectrum. The death of a loved one is a major life changing event. That’s why it is best to keep everything else within their routine as consistent as possible. People with autism find comfort with routine, and comfort is something we all strive for while grieving. Bedtime routines, playdates with friends, school and therapy may be part of daily routines. You should try your best to maintain these activities if they bring your child peace.
Involve them
When helping a child (with or without autism) through loss and grief, it may seem best to exclude them from certain parts of the process, like attending a funeral with an open casket. While it largely depends on your child’s level of cognitive understanding, as well as your expertise in making the best-informed decision for your child, many professional sources suggest that shielding a child with autism from the complexities that come with loss will likely confuse them more. These sources suggest being transparent and asking your child if they would like to be part of a certain aspect (like the funeral, wake, or burial). With this, allow them to ask any questions they might have.
Another good option, as Alicia says in The Mom Kind, is “to have a celebration of life that they can attend instead of the funeral”. Doing this, Alicia says, “allows involvement without having to see all the grief”.
Prepare them, if possible
If you know that a family member or loved one is terminally ill, try and familiarize your child with all the places they will be during this time. This could be places like the hospital, funeral home, or cemetery. Remember to talk about the emotions they will see from others throughout the process. A great way to do this could be through pre-made “social stories”. Social stories use photographs to help explain and show the child what will happen before it happens in real-time. These photographs and descriptions of the photographs can include emotions that they will observe of others. More information on constructing a social story can be found here.
As we know, children who are on the spectrum can have an especially difficult time dealing with the unexpected, so it is a good idea to make the loss as “expected” as possible. Of course, this may not always be possible and sometimes a loss can be sudden. In this case, you can still do your best to show and tell your child what to expect. Use any photos you have available or pictures online to do this. More ways to prepare your child for loss and help them understand it can be found in this article from Child Bereavement UK.
Utilize books that help explain loss
When it comes to bereavement and children with autism, a lot can be gained from books that are specifically made for this life event.
The 2017 book, I Have a Question about Death: Clear Answers for All Kids, including Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder, is a straight-forward, color-filled read that addresses the questions that concrete thinkers might have surrounding death. It answers them in a simplistic manner. This book has an abundance of good reviews from parents who have had to explain this topic to their children. We recommend it as well!
Another book that is a good choice for the topic of grief is the interactive workbook, Finding Your Own Way to Grieve by Karla Helbert. This book is unique in that it encourages expressive techniques and exercises to help your child identify and process the feelings that accompany loss. This book is perfect for children and teens to work through on their own. They can also use it with the help of a parent or professional. Find this book here.
Lastly, How People With Autism Grieve, and How to Help: An Insider Handbook, is best suited for teens and young adults who need security and affirmation after losing a loved one. Though the book only bases suggestions off one person’s unique experience, it can prove helpful in relating to what your child might be feeling emotionally. Find out more about it here.
Takeaway
We all have different ways of dealing with loss. It’s important to make it known to your child with autism that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to respond to the death of a loved one. The most vital thing, though, is to ensure that your child knows there is support around them and that they have people to talk about it with when they feel sad or confused.
Your 2023 Autism Reading Guide
With the chilly months upon us again, many have started looking for new books to read this year. To help you build out your reading list, we’ve researched the latest books about autism published since our book list in 2020 to create a new autism reading guide for the year. There are several books for parents as well as books to help autistic kids, tweens and teens. Take a look at some of the latest books about autism to add to this year’s reading list.
For Parents
We know that navigating the world of autism as a parent can present many unique challenges. Parents of all kids don’t always know how to handle the needs of their children. But having a child with autism adds unique needs that can be difficult to navigate. However, there are several new books about autism released in 2021 and 2022. These are written specifically to be beneficial to you as a parent of a child with autism.
Navigating Autism: 9 Mindsets For Helping Kids on the Spectrum by Temple Grandin and Deborah Moore
Joined by psychologist Debra Moore, Dr. Temple Grandin explores various mindsets that are effective when working with kids and young adults on the autism spectrum. You’ll find personal stories from Grandin with anecdotes from parents who have sought her insight. You’ll also discover advice from Moore who has 30+ years of experience in psychological work with kids on the spectrum. Not only is this a good read for parents, but helpful for anyone who impacts the lives of children on the spectrum. Check it out on Amazon.
We’re Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation by Eric Garcia
Writing from personal experience, Washington D.C. reporter and journalist Eric Garcia helps give readers a better understanding of life from the perspective of an autistic person. Through this, he informs them on effective ways to help those on the spectrum. In this book, Garcia breaks down popular myths surrounding autism and uses historical facts to support his claims. For anyone who is interested in learning more about autism to better help a loved one, this book is available here.
It Takes a Village by Amy Nielsen
Educator, writer, advocate and mother of four children, including one with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder, Nielsen uses her experience as a chance to help parents and family members of children with exceptional needs learn to build a strong support system. Nielsen covers how to make these important connections. In addition, she takes time to explain the importance of them in the special needs community. Having an emphasis on family involvement, the book includes worksheets to help readers track their progress in creating a support system for their loved one(s). To find out more about this book, go to It Takes a Village.
For Kids, Tweens and Teens
We are thrilled to find so many new books about autism specifically written for kids, tweens and teens! Here are a few released within the past couple of years to build out a reading guide for your tween or teen with autism.
I am Autism “In the classroom” by Blake Carter Desiree
Written by a child who has an ADHD and an autism diagnosis, Desiree delves into what school life is like. He goes on to explain how his diagnoses makes life difficult for him as a different learner. This book provides perspective that could be impactful for helping neurotypical children better understand neurodiverse peers. Desiree’s story can also help a neurodiverse child feel more understood and supported in a classroom setting. I Am Autism is available here.
When things get too loud: A story about sensory overload by Anne Alcott
This book is an excellent option if you are seeking an educational, vividly illustrated story that can be read to both neurodiverse and neurotypical children. This read is created specifically to help children understand and learn emotional regulation skills. It beautifully explains coping strategies for any child who may struggle with overstimulation and sensory-processing issues. This book is highly rated for its inclusiveness and thoughtfulness. Find When Things Get Too Loud here.
This Is Me! I am who I’m meant to be by Amy Pflueger
With her knowledge and experience, Pflueger, an advocate and mother of two autistic sons, wrote this book primarily for autistic children to relate to and help them better understand why they might be “different” than their peers, as they learn to engage in a world that’s already full of challenges and surprises. It promotes self-acceptance and is also a great source for siblings and classmates of autistic children. It can help them to better acknowledge, accept and understand autism on a deeper level, all while using simplistic and digestible words and pictures. If you’re looking for an awesome, educational story to share with your child, you can find this book here.
Have you picked up a new favorite book about autism that we don’t have here? Let us know in the comments!
And we hope you learned about some new books and resources through this year’s autism reading guide. If so, please share it with your community!
5 Ways to Express Love to Your Child with Autism
This post originally appeared in the February 2020 issue of the Autism Alliance of Michigan MiNavigator Newsletter . Written by former Healing Haven BCBA Carita Niemann, M.Ed., BCBA, LBA.
Valentine’s Day is a special time of the year. We often pause and express love to those who are close to us. However, communicating this love to each person in our lives takes a unique form. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages®, everyone expresses and receives love in a unique way. Children with autism are no different!
In my 10 years of working with children with an autism diagnosis, I have loved the challenge of finding ways to “reinforcer pair” with them. This is applied behavior analytic talk for “loving them in their own unique way.” For some children it can be as simple as providing them with their favorite toy. While for others, this can entail months of chasing them with hand puppets, blasting them up like a rocket, and working up a sweat to evoke one heartful giggle.
As parents and caregivers of children with autism, when we do the work of finding ways to show love to our kids — they return the love tenfold. Just like any relationship, it is always helpful to reflect on new ways to express our affection.
5 Ways to Express Love to Your Child with Autism
Using the wisdom of The 5 Love Languages®, here are a few ideas of how you can express love to your child with autism this Valentine’s Day:
Words of affirmation
Many children with autism are visual learners. As a result, they respond well to pictures, videos, and written words over spoken words of affirmation. Consider creating a photo book with pictures of significant memories with your child and a few words to describe each memory.
Physical touch
Children with autism seek sensory input in a myriad of ways. Some enjoy the physical touch of loved ones through hugs, tickles, cuddles, and kisses. While on the other hand, others find more enjoyment in the sensory input from the physical environment in which we live. This Valentine’s Day, if Michigan winter allows, try spending time outdoors with your child exploring the cold snow. For extra sensory input, take food coloring with you and watch a winter wonderland turn into modern art!
Quality time
Our children receive demands all day long— “get dressed,” “clean up,” “do this,” “do that,” etc. As adults, it is challenging for us to spend time with a child without placing any demands. However, with some effort, perhaps this is a true gift we can offer your child this Valentine’s Day. Intentionally plan for one hour of praise, imitation, attention, and freedom to be exactly who they are in that moment.
Receiving gifts
Although chocolate and a teddy bear may be the perfect gift for some kids, there are other options too. A beautiful gift for any child could be the gift of a new experience. Depending on your child’s interests and preferences, here are some ideas to consider. You could take them to a sensory friendly movie, bake cookies from scratch, complete a science experiment, visit an indoor trampoline park, or explore the various children’s museums in Michigan. Additionally, find a winter activity in this blog post that would feed their need for sensory or motor input. Then purchase the items and package them together for a gift this Valentine’s Day.
Acts of service
As a twist, the recommendation for this category does not directly involve expressing love to your child with autism. As parents and caregivers of children with special needs, we spend much of our time caring for others. In order to give from a fuller cup, try scheduling time for self-care this Valentine’s Day. As little as 10 minutes of meditation can lead to decreased anxiety, physical pain, and even cardiovascular disease.
Remember, “The number of ways to express love within a love language is limited only by your imagination” (Chapman). Let your creativity soar this Valentine’s Day as you express love to your child with autism – and anyone else in your life!
For additional reading on this subject, our Founder & President Jamie McGillivary, MS, LLP, BCBA, LBA, spoke about it with Metro Parent in 2022 – What Love on the Spectrum Looks Like.
Success Stories of Individuals with Autism
We live in a world where it is so easy to think about the negative values of something or someone. That’s why it’s crucial we prioritize the positive aspects. This is especially true for people with autism. There is a reason it is called autism spectrum – each individual is born with their own unique traits and abilities. Some on the autism spectrum may also have an intellectual disability. However, it’s important to note that around 44% of those diagnosed with autism have average or above average IQ. So why wouldn’t there be several remarkable success stories of individuals with autism? Here we hope to share some inspiring examples of people who have used their autism diagnosis to excel in their passions.
Temple Grandin
Starting out with a more well-known story within the autism community, Temple Grandin is a renowned American author and educator. She speaks on the treatment and behavior of livestock animals, as well as a public speaker and advocate for autism.
Grandin was not “officially” diagnosed with autism until much later in her life. At this point, she already had a successful career she had paved for herself. She accomplished this despite hurdles that were uncommon for children to have at the time of her upbringing. These included speech delays and social skills challenges. In the face of these hurdles and the bullying they evoked, Grandin discovered what she was passionate about – science.
She went on to receive several degrees on the topic and remains teaching to this day. In a quote from one of Grandin’s books, The Autistic Brain: Thinking Across the Spectrum, she explains that autistic kids often have uneven skills. “Parents get so worried about the deficits that they don’t build up the strengths, but those skills could turn into a job,” according to Grandin. She adds that “we need to be a lot more flexible with things,” when it comes to what we label as a “disability.” This way of thinking is at the foundation of Healing Haven’s values. We focus on our clients as kids and teenagers first, not their diagnosis. And we celebrate their unique strengths that come through neurodiversity.
More stories of successes like Grandin’s are available here.
Alexis Wineman
Alexis Wineman is the first woman with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) to participate in the Miss America competition, according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Wineman’s story presents the perspective of being the only member of a large family to have an autism diagnosis. Her story focuses on what it is like to grow up with the support of neurotypical siblings. She also highlights the key role that siblings can play in the life of an autistic child.
Wineman’s sister, Danielle, said her advice for someone who has a sibling with autism is “to become a solid shadow for your sibling.” She points out that “when you’re diagnosed with autism, it’s a diagnosis for the entire family and not just that person.”
Another sister of Wineman’s, Kimberley, said that it is valuable to “engage them (your sibling with autism) and help them find their niche.” Wineman’s brother, Nicholas, said that he has learned and developed the skill of empathy due to growing up with his sister.
There can be endless advantages of having a family member with autism. And there is no doubt that a diagnosis can also strengthen a family. Comparable stories to Winemans are available on the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website.
We love hearing these sibling perspectives and agree that an autism diagnosis impacts the entire family. In fact, it’s another one of our company values – to serve the entire family through parent training and counseling for parents and siblings.
Clay Marzo
Clay Marzo is an American professional surfer. He was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome as a teenager (before that designation was removed from the diagnostic definition in the DSM-5). Clay is known for his “unique ‘double-jointed’ style of turns and spins”. Marzo has “been hailed for his creativity with the board and his innovative maneuvers,” according to Autism Treatment Evaluation Checklist (ATEC) Sierra Leone.
In addition to features in several surfer films, Marzo is also in a documentary, ‘Clay Marzo: Just Add Water‘. The documentary delves into his life as a competitive surfer and a person living with autism spectrum disorder. He also volunteers with the non-profit organization Surfers Healing. The organization creates opportunities for children with autism to experience surfing through surfing camps in the United States and Canada.
Other stories like Clay’s are in this Lifehack article.
Dani Bowman
Dani Bowman is a writer, artist and motivational speaker who is on the autism spectrum. Creating an animation empire, she founded DaniMation Entertainment at age 14 in 2009. She has several professional degrees and is a powerful voice for those on the autism spectrum.
Bowman is also on Netflix’s ‘Love on the Spectrum,’ where she shares much about her personal interests. In this, she brings attention to the struggles she faces to find a potential life partner. She expresses the complications of not only finding someone who relates to her but who understands and accepts her romantically.
Further information about Bowman and her work is available on her company website.
Katie
Katie is currently a young adult on the autism spectrum. She grew up working closely with Healing Haven’s founder, Jamie McGillivary. Jamie credits her journey working with Katie as what helped shape her into the person she is today. Jamie’s experiences with Kaite as child inspired her career path and the creation of Healing Haven. Katie worked as an administrative assistant for the company and also worked at her local library.
Katie spoke at a Healing Haven Open House and shared her story with guests that included parents, doctors, and professionals. “I’m here tonight to tell people you shouldn’t underestimate people with disabilities. Through hard work you can live your dreams. Your child could have a bright future. Tonight, I can live my dreams such as being independent, working as an administrative assistant, and now being a public speaker.” You can read more of her story in this blog article, Never Underestimate Individuals with Autism.
Katie is an inspiration to all at Healing Haven and everyone who knows her personally.
Raising Expectations
We hope these stories inspire and offer hope for you and your child or loved one with autism. An autism diagnosis comes with a broad range of potential struggles as well as unique strengths. An average of 28% of our clients at Healing Haven graduate from our services or titrate down to needing lesser services. We work to make sure clients are as well-equipped as possible to thrive in their educational journey and prepare them for life beyond school.
There are many success stories of individuals with autism we should celebrate. But even if your child may need extra support, we all can work together to highlight the possibilities and help raise expectations for those impacted by autism. Incredible things can be born from the “bounds” of difference.
We would love to hear any stories you might have to share. Please feel free to comment below!
Great Gift Ideas for Autistic Children
With holiday season fast approaching, it’s time to scheme gift ideas! But finding useful and entertaining gifts for kids with autism can be tricky. For the past few years, we’ve compiled lists of gift ideas for autistic children. These categorized suggestions come from experts at our clinics as well as popular preferences from our clients.
A few things to note: Remember to consider the child’s interests and developmental stage. If they love a certain character or sport for example, find something that includes that. Or if they are intrigued by a certain sensory experience, such as fluffy or smooth items, gift from those categories. Their developmental stage also might not match age-appropriate toys and activities, so keep in mind what they might enjoy based on their abilities and interests.
Here is your guide with great gift ideas for an autistic child (or teen)!
Gifts that encourage movement
Many kids with autism often need to incorporate lots of movement into their day to counteract sensory issues. Try an anti-burst peanut exercise ball for core strength development and calming deep pressure, or a balance board for balance and coordination.
Additionally, according to one of our Occupational Therapists, jumping is an excellent way for kids to get sensory input. She suggests a monkey jump, where small children can engage in a game of Five Little Monkeys. A mini trampoline is another fantastic go-to option for kids who need to get energy out.
Sensory gift ideas
Water beads are a huge favorite of our clients. After expanding in water, put them in a bin and let kids run their hands through them for some mesmerizing sensory fun.
Sometimes a child with autism finds solace with alone time. Make a peaceful haven in a tent that you can fill with pillows, stuffed animals, or any other objects that help your child experience calm.
Poke-A-Dot books offer interactive sensory input while enjoying a story. Children can pop the dots on each page, which is a great opportunity for fine motor skills.
If your child often gets overstimulated and likes body pressure, try a weighted vest, blanket, or neck wrap. The added weight can aid in focus and help kids feel safe and secure.
Toys that support fine motor skills
Kinetic sand is a perfect gift for kids that like to squish, mold, and create—another favorite of our clients. As opposed to real sand, kinetic sand prevents big messes as it sticks together. Scoop into molds or build little creatures and sandcastles for fine motor practice.
Do you have a child who loves taking things apart and putting back together? Check out this take-apart car, complete with a drill. Our OTs utilize these cars during sessions to encourage fine motor skills. The car can also go for a drive when construction is completed, offering an enticing reward at the end of a task.
Do.A.Dot markers help kids work on fine motor skills through learning to hold and control something in their hand. With a sponge tip applicator, they are also mess-free! These markers are a great option for quick art projects.
Gifts for tweens and teens
Many of these gifts work for younger children, but may not satisfy needs of older kids and teens with autism. Finding gifts for teens can be difficult, but we suggest fidget-friendly items than can ease stress. As kids get older, they need to concentrate longer on tasks. Gifting a fidget spinner, a Kinekt gear ring, or finger fidget pencils can therapeutically relieve extra energy and stress when trying to focus.
Stocking stuffers
Try these smaller items to stick in a stocking. “Pop-its” are all the rage right now, for both neurotypical and autistic children—we see many around our clinics! Therapy putty often comes in a small container for easy transport to pull out and squish when needed. Our clients also enjoy stretchy tubes that pop and bend. For kiddos who like to mouth items, try packs of fun-shaped chewies such as these shark teeth. An anti-stress toy like this cool fidget or a liquid timer can simultaneously entertain and ease sensory induced anxiety.
Gift ideas to treat parents
If you’re planning to give to a child with autism, it’s a nice gesture to gift their parents as well. Parents of kids with special needs often endure a lot of stress. Self-care and fun experiences are excellent options, such as a manicure/pedicure, a massage, restaurant gift cards, or movie gift certificates. A relaxing night out is often a wonderful gift for parents, given all they balance!
We hope we’ve helped take some of the stress out of your holiday shopping this year with these great gift ideas for autistic children. For even more gift suggestions, be sure to check out all our holiday gift guides.
Eating Issues and Autism: 5 Tips to Help
Parents of children with autism know eating issues all too well. From mealtime tantrums to picky food preferences, dealing with the eating issues that come with ASD can be a major stressor. However, rest assured that these issues can be addressed by seeking support, establishing routine, and lots of patience.
Eating Issues Related to Autism
Food selectivity
Children with autism often have selective food preferences. According to our Director of Clinical Standards, Jennifer Thomas, Ph.D., BCBA-D, LBA, these preferences can occur due to learning, tactile, and/or olfactory sensitivities. Children might prefer soft foods like yogurt or soup, or crunchy textures like snack crackers. Another common preference of children on the spectrum are foods with high starch and sugar content such as snack foods. “Sometimes, the way a food tastes or feels in the mouth, or the way it smells is aversive to kids and therefore physically challenging to try new things,” Dr. Thomas explains.
Not eating enough
Sitting through a meal and finishing food can be a challenge for kids with autism. As a result, kids may not receive the calories and nutrients they need to maintain health. Chronic malnutrition can lead to physical, emotional and cognitive decline.
Inflexibility in trying new foods
Autistic children may avoid entire food groups such as fruits and vegetables. When parents attempt to introduce non-preferred foods, challenging behaviors often occur. This can make mealtimes difficult for the whole family and eating out undesirable.
From these eating issues come behavioral and health issues such as:
Challenging behaviors
Parents often experience behaviors at mealtimes, such as their child consistently getting up from the table, crying, or throwing food or utensils.
Nutrient deficiencies
Lack of nutrients can cause several health issues, such as difficulties in cognition, iron deficiency, constricted physical growth, and an increased probability of obesity and heart disease. Dr. Thomas also points out that kids are more likely to get sick and take longer to recover because the immune system isn’t as strong without nutrients.
GI issues such as constipation
The struggle to help your child eat well is hard enough. In addition, parents may try to accommodate to their child’s eating issues, such as packing preferred food during restaurant outings or gatherings. Accommodating to eating issues may cause increased stress and relationship strain in parents.
Parents often find it easier to simply give their child preferred foods rather than battling behaviors to change eating habits. But it’s important to know that the longer these issues become ingrained the harder they are to address in the long term.
5 Tips to Address Eating Issues
1. Make mealtimes routine
Kids with autism often thrive with routine. Help them know what to expect by serving meals at the same daily time. You could give your child reminders 30 minutes to 5 minutes before meals to prepare for the transition. It’s great to involve your child in meal preparation, such as having them set the table or help cook if they enjoy it. Give your child choices during mealtimes by letting them select a food to serve or choose where they sit at the table.
2. Keep introducing non-preferred foods
Continue to offer non-preferred foods in small amounts. It’s tempting to simply remove them altogether in order to avoid behaviors. But it’s important to continually give your child opportunities to try the new foods. Shape behaviors by starting small. For example, have your child try one grape or half a carrot. Give lots of praise for their effort of trying and remember it’s ok if they don’t like it right away. “It’s also okay if they don’t eat the new food right away,” Dr. Thomas adds. “Even if they touch the food, or smell it, it’s a step closer to the goal. It’s important to be gentle about the process so food avoidance doesn’t increase.” For example, the novel food can be placed on a separate plate near your child throughout the meal, though they do not need to eat it. Having a special reward for trying something new, or even just tolerating something new nearby, can help move things along faster.
3. Keep reasonable expectations for mealtime
Changing behaviors and your child’s food preferences will take time and patience. Try not to expect big changes all at once. In the meantime, model your expectations for your child. Perhaps you’d like them to sit at the table for a minimum length of time and gradually increase that time. Keep phones and toys away from the table to demonstrate focus at mealtimes. Ignore non-desired behaviors as long as they are safe.
4. Give LOTS of specific praise!
Praise your child consistently for anything they are doing (or not doing) to increase desired behavior. Give specific praise such as “I love how you are sitting so calmly at the table,” “Way to go trying that bite of food!”, or “I’m proud of you for eating those two more bites.” There is most likely always something for which to praise your child!
5. Consult your child’s pediatrician
Eating issues and autism aren’t always preference based. Medical issues are often a culprit, such as acid reflux or allergies. Be sure to consult your child’s pediatrician if you suspect health issues.
Though navigating eating issues in children with autism can be tricky, you are not alone in the journey. And it doesn’t have to be so difficult—the trajectory can change! Seek out resources and support for not only your child but for yourself as well.